just_like_alex

Taiwan Fact: It's totally cool to help your grandkids pee in the street. And by help, I mean unzip their pants and hold their penises, aiming at a storm drain or whatever. I saw a kid who had to be at least seven years old with his granddad bent down in front of him, watering a tree ten feet from a large elementary school. The really loving families strap their children in a gurney with a catheter and an IV until they're married.

Hey, honeybabes, I just thought I'd let y'all know that I bought my plane tickets to Des Moines "International" Airport which claim I will be landing there at 7:53am on February second, the year of our Lord, twenty hundred and ten, and also that I made steak and onion cheddar melts with egg salad wrapped in lettuce leaves for din-din this evening.


The weather has been thinking the sub-tropics are regular tropics so far (except a few days last week).

Taiwan Fact: They mostly use the metric system. But you can find imperial units and traditional Chinese measurements, too. Luckily, one jin is roughly a pound. Apparently, many traditional units were based on 16s, not 10s. However, you can buy eggs in cartons of 10 (or 8, 6, or 4) and packages of bread and bacon containing 11 slices! I wonder if they have the 10 hotdogs to 8 buns dilemma we suffer from in the states...

I sort of left my last entry as a cliffhanger, but there isn't really much of a climax to put on this side of the "to be continued..." What I was alluding to before was her being fed welcome rice wine until she was boisterously and audaciously drunk. Later she made turkey soup out of our Thanksgiving leftovers. I was skeptical at first, then I lived on it for like five delicious days. Max and Sophie took her to Green Island and she's been out of the house for almost a week. I think the cat misses her.

Earlier, I held 100,000 Taiwanese dollars in my hand and it was scary!

Out last two outings from school were to the Taipei Weather Bureau and to the Taiwan Indigenous Public Television Service, both of which made me think about my dad the whole time. The weather place was devastatingly boring to everyone because none of the kids understood what the guy was talking about and I didn't understand the Chinese. The TV station was fun and we all understood more.




Behold, children!: Master Control!


I have so many god-damned kids.

Last Friday after school, Sarah took me with her to Costco, where we noticed, before we got off the scooter, that Quaker Oats must be on sale. On average, every person must have had an average of three boxes each containing 100 servings of oats. Which is nearly a serving of oatmeal every day for a year. Many people had eight or more...


Wholesome! They were about $9US, down from $11...

After I got home, Jordan and I tried to buy plane tickets for about three hours. Somewhat successfully! Luckily I realized that, while I couldn't do shit about messed up bookings and declined payments in this hemisphere, it was still right in the middle of the work day back at the old credit union. So I called them up and managed to buy tickets home. Then next day I went to a travel agent and bought a matching pair for Thailand. January 17th through 29th, look out! I'll be on/above American soil February first, a few hours before I leave Taiwan (go-go dateline!). Jordan and I are flying together and I still need to get from Los Angeles to Iowa or near Iowa, but that doesn't seem like any kind of urgent. As Jordan was confirming her booking on Malaysia Airlines, I came across their baggage policy which apparently is something like fuck you, give us all your money. The tickets were way cheap, but they only give you 20kg (44lb) included with the ticket and then they start charging kidneys. Which brings me to a short list of gripes/grudges/warnings.

Malaysia Airlines: free booze, but big bags will cost you tens of dollars per pound.

AT&T: kept my $500US deposit for a fucking year and a half until I finally lodged a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. In my book, they still owe me a little more than $200 based on their own late fees for unpaid bills. I talked to at least eight different people who all said they would get back to me at a certain time and none did until the United States Government made them. Fuck you, AT&T.

Imation: your hard drive ate all my music and didn't work well before that. Months of music, still taking up space but inaccessible, have made me fantasize about smashing your product on the floor so hard.

Kojen and all ESL schools in Taiwan: one hour in the classroom and two hours of grading is three hours of work. This should be reflected in the paycheck, not in scheduled hours. 15 hours of pay a week for 45 hours of work and no benefits is not good (lucky for you, your country has socialized medicine!) You pay foreigners so much money to get them to come to your backwater country, don't fuck us once we get here. (I should point out I almost completely avoided this situation. Thanks kindergarten!)

Watch this- I don't even have to fake it to end this on a positive note!: Yesterday Jordan and I had a picnic on the roof of my old building. I made us black sesame bagel breafkast [sic] sammiches [double sic] with a fried egg, cheeses, hashbrown patty, fresh vine-ripened tomatoes, and mayo, and we shared leftover red Thanksgiving wine. I'm in love!

Taiwan Fact: The price of cigarettes relative to the average annual income is the lowest in the world. This is according to something Andy read, anyway. But at like 45NTD ($1.50) a pack in an industrialized country, that's probably right.

I live with Jordan now! We are roommates! She and I share an address! Bevis lives in my old room! He and Andy got swine flu! Thanksgiving!

I ate a great amount of food. Serious quantities. It began days before with runnings around to grocery stores and markets, but Thursday began extra early for thawing and brining before work. Alyson had been given keys to the place to start cooking at noon. By the time I got home, the turkey was nearly done, as were a squash and the stuffing. My deviled eggs had been declared a hit at Jordan's birthday and so I made an encore batch while the turkey finished up. Alyson and I experimented with canned berries to make a proper sauce and with raisins, craisins, zinfandel, and simmering, it was a definite success. I then, while drinking lovely rare imported Dead Guy, transformed the drippings into some gravy I dare call fantastic, giving it a generous share of the ale. Sophie and Max made subtly garlicky mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie with hand-whipped cream. (Jordan's) Adam was a late contender, but quickly whipped up an unorthodox, yet delicious, green bean casserole. Thanksgiving might be becoming my favorite holiday. We rounded it off with a nice spliff thanks to Andy (Jordan and I have been out for weeks). In between fits of juggling a turkey wading in drippings within an aluminum foil "dish", peeling eggs and pouring alcohol into dishes, sauces and myself, I got to have a lovely conversation with my sister in distant Spain. She's doing like this: http://brisabroad.blogspot.com/



Kiah's mom is in town for the holidays and she is a character, a caricature even. She arrived on Wednesday and a welcome party is being thrown for her this evening at Roxy Rocker. She has already made an impression, but I've a feeling more noteworthy events will occur in the days ahead, so I'll save further impressions for another time.

Oops, I meant to post this a few days ago!

Taiwan Fact: Haggling is not ubiquitous, like it is in mainland and other eastern Asian countries. But it does exist for certain things. This is not exhaustive, but here are some things you wanna argue over the price of: souvenirs, shoes, and appliances (though only over the extras like delivery, installation and warranty).

This weekend I went out to a western-style karaoke bar with Kiah, Adam, Max, Sophie and Sam which had been hyped up to me. It was ok, but Adam and I, initially leaving to find food, went on a betelnut-orange adventure. I got back to a warm snuggly Jordan around 2am. The next night, Jordan went out(!) and woke me up at 4am with a call for directions to another club! What a party animal! She was back around dawn and I woke up a few hours later to play Warcraft with Abe on his birthday.

It was Jordan's birthday yesterday and she was a bit bummed about it. Her third birthday in a country she doesn't want to be in. After a couple of failed plans (one involving the Leonids and a midnight drive into the mountains), I decided to buy her what we use as birthday cake at school (a dense, moist, lemon cake), borrow a bud from Andy (we ran out and can't find more to buy), and make her some foods she likes. This turned out to be difficult because she doesn't love food as much as I do and doesn't talk about it much. But I knew she likes eggs and Taiwan-style cabbage, so I decided to make some deviled eggs and cabbage, with some bacon on the side (turns out she also loves crispy bacon, score!). I also got wine and a baguette. And I shaved my beard, Gift of the Magi style.

On my way home, Kiah messaged me saying that she was invited a bunch of people over for a "impromptu/surprise/not celebration", which, imagining a depressed Jordan feeling obligated to entertain, made me worried. But Cathleen had already insisted on coming over before, so she was expecting someone. And her (former?) roommates came, too. Not too obvious. Then Max and Sophie "stopped by" to drop of a couple of things and stuck around for some wine and deviled eggs. They had also bought Jordan some corn flakes to repay her for the ones they had eaten while they were still getting established, much to her delight. Then Andy called me, having already been invited by Kiah, and I was all like "I just invited Andy to join us, hope you don't mind." Soon, Jordan was wondering where all these people came from, especially on a Tuesday night. Kiah then admitted it had all been premeditated and we all said "awww!" and there was much love. And cake! Also, (Jordan's) Adam came and brought birthday beers. Then after everyone left, the cat peed on the comforter Jordan had just recovered from storage and was looking forward to snuggling into. What a dickhole, but, ask Kiah observed, at least she waited until several minutes after her birthday was over. Jordan cleaned it up, decreed the cat banished from her room, and we joked about leaving her cone on as punishment (it comes off tomorrow).

While Jordan was in the bathroom, I went and thanked Kiah for setting everything up. I misted up a bit, but I don't think anyone noticed. Jordan's very sweet and gracious to me, but usually melancholy, so it was really great to see her really having a good time and enjoying herself. She came back and we smoked the little nug Andy had donated and got in bed slightly chilly, but happy. I fell asleep looking forward to our future and had a Flying Dream for the first time in a long time.

Speaking of the future, it isn't as easy as you might think to save money here and (as I think I mentioned in my last blog) I expect to blow through all of it by the time I'm set up in a new place. Jordan is more worried than I am (I have no debt) so I told her I would start cooking for us, since we eat out every day. While eating out can be cheap and cooking can be expensive, we'll save a lot of money by being careful. It's only been two days, but I haven't eaten out nor gotten snacks or drinks from 7-11 and I think I can sustain that. And if we wind up together in the states, getting started shouldn't be as expensive as doing so alone.

Taiwan Fact: Helmet laws: These are almost universally obeyed. However, people wear "helmets" built like plastic cups waaay back on their occipitals, exposing everything forward of their ears. Also, children under 11 don't have to wear one! (Hey, the real word for the part of the head I was talking about is "occiput/s". No way, man.)

Holy fuck, I just wrote a blog and hit preview. It showed a preview of one I never finished about Jordan and I fighting and when I went back my new one was gone. So fuck it, here are some pictures. In fact, it happened twice, but I copied it first this time. Ha! Dickhole site.


This was actually in the middle of one of our fights and I didn't know she was going to be there. She let me sleep on the far side of her bed that night. I told her everything I could think to say about our relationship the next morning and she asked to be alone. That night, she invited me over and everything was better.


Doughnut eating contest. Jonas won, but darkhorse Susan came in second.


Dinosrawrs. How embarrassing to have the same costume as someone younger and cuter, Sarah!


But your talents at making haunted ball pits makes up for it.


Spayed cat has a cone!


She's been on the computer every day during her recovery. Her stitches are out, but the cone in still on. It is a glorious torture device.

Adam is finally going home after three years, two and a half longer than he originally intended. He hasn't seen his family once in that time and will be back in time for Christmas.

I've been subbing and doing one on one classes, and will be moving in with Jordan for a couple of months all in an effort to save money. My last day at work will be the last day of the year. After Thailand from January 6thish to like the 20th maybe, going home at the end of that month, bumming in Iowa for a month, and finally establishing myself somewhere new (new contender: Philadelphia), I'm sure all I have saved will be gone.

The fights we had have, at least, given me a little more self-awareness and understanding, so I'm optimistic about where Jordan and I are going. But I can't shake the worry that she won't want to be with me after she goes home, and she's not making any promises. Conveniently, my plans are going to be about the same either way, so all I can do is set myself up for the next chapter and quit undermining myself with doubt and by fighting with her. Though, for the record, while I've discovered I'm more argumentative that I realized, I didn't intentionally start the fights. Well now I've written just about everything that got deleted anyway, so don't feel bad because you didn't really miss out on anything. Plus here's some extra: I've had "Such Great Heights" (the Iron and Wine version like from Garden State) stuck in my head for a WEEK.

Two last things. Jordan and I aren't sure if we're going to fly back together or separately since she wants to go to San Francisco first, while I'm going right to Iowa. So thing one: anyone know about flying standby? Thing two: anyone know anything about the mile-high club?

Taiwan Fact: Rock, paper, scissors matches can resolve any conflict. It’s funny to see how the most heated of contentions between any Taiwanese people can be immediately and unquestioningly resolved by this game. Seemingly regardless of the circumstances, the result is fucking law. There are other popular hand games they play, particularly when drinking.

The finalé to Fox’s tail seems to be drawing near. Ironically, I, the person most responsible for his possible banishment besides himself, may have engineered him another chance. This came about because I told Chad last Friday about my specific plans for leaving Taiwan when the semester is over. He seemed to get very flustered and the color drained right out of his face. He laid a fairly feeble (feeble in its delivery, not the content) guilt trip on me, told me about the penalty for breaking my contract, and said something about another teacher having issues lately. It won’t look good for the school to lose two (half) of its foreign teachers so close together, never mind the reason. Officially, I haven’t been told his job is in jeopardy, and next week would be his last if they did give him two weeks, but the look on Chad’s face and the speculation I’ve heard through Sarah make me think he may have a new lease on his job.

I also got my first scooter lesson from Jordan last weekend. I only nearly hit a parked car and Jordan herself and was able to go around the neighborhood with her on the back. Very successful, if you ask me.

The burrito guy who used to vend out of the back of his jeep now sells his burritos at the Red House, a restaurant just down our lane. They aren’t quite as good and are about double the price, but at least he’s doing well and I know when I can get them (any time I want, basically).

I just lost twice in a row at Chinese Chess to my language exchange partner. I’ve basically stopped learning Chinese now that the end is in sight and I feel doomed to never use it (as I never learned enough for it to be much use) and eventually forget it all. But I’m getting better at chess!

Taiwan Fact: No birds on the bus!




Let me tell you a story backwards style like that episode of Seinfeld where they go to Inda and it turns out Kramer hit FDR with a snowball. This starts out with (ends up with) teacher Fox, a guy who is, at the moment he is relating his story to Kiah and me, selling us marijuana. He is losing his apartment, job and is taking medicine to fight an infection around the metal pin sticking out of his thumb. He's been to the hospital more than a dozen times this year and has had his job for more than six years and his apartment for nearly as long.

The week before, teacher Sarah had given me a tip that this guy, our co-worker was going to see his "guy" if we wanted to put in an order. So he asks me about the amount etc., albeit discretely, at school. I got a 15 second warning from Chad not to conduct business on school property and if it's discovered that it had anything to do with drugs we'd both be fired immediately. He got an hour meeting after school with both Chad and Antionia.

A week before that, Fox had one pin removed from his thumb, but he had fallen on the other and bent it and caused the wound to become infected. Sarah (who has her finger on the pulse of the school) said that someone had accused Fox of sexual harassment. He had also been told his landlord is selling the apartment and their lease would be cancelled.

Eight months ago, Fox was tickling Claire from my Elephant class and she fell on his hand, bending his thumb.

And, he made sure to include, year ago, his much-younger girlfriend left him.


Jordan's mom came and it was fun! The two of them went to Kending despite typhoon Parma (Ohio?) idled, like a van whose destination is being reconsidered, over the ocean between the skid marks it left on the Philippines and us, dumping rain over both the whole time. The beaches were closed, but the spa and restaurants were both open and vacant. My bed hasn't seen me so much in almost a year!

As promised, she was cooler than Jordan and (therefore?) myself. I'd heard stories like how she became the tequila queen at an Okie bar, and being blindfolded for two weeks straight (part of a training I seem to remember), which are thoroughly badass things. I didn't realize that by cool, Jordan meant her mom's musical tastes and experiences are unassailable. She has seen Janis Joplin, Donovon, The Kinks, Hendrix, David Fucking Bowie... She was also lots of fun to talk to. I hope she liked me! She also treated us to a traditional Taiwanese play.


Complete with dance-fighting and a monkey king.

I also went to a barbecue with my language exchange partner. I mostly talked with a couple of other foreigners there, but one girl quizzed me in Chinese. She was asking why I came all the way to Taiwan and got an American girlfriend and when I showed her a picture of Jordan she said "Ooohh..."


The week after Jordan's mommy came was my PTA, which stands for Parent Teacher Association but, in Taiwan, means open house or parents come to school and everyone is uncomfortable time. Thankfully, at my school they are supposed to see roughly what we do every day. At Kiah's school, it is a rehearsed dramatization of a lesson. At Jordan's school, it's that plus they have to go back that evening for a performance from kids who have been at school for 12 hours by that point. I was still very nervous, especially after Chad observed my class and it went really poorly. We also had to do it out on the running track which is normally the play area, because 40 people won't fit in our classroom, even if some of them are adorable-sized. But it went fine.

One of my kids started level 1 last year, but her parents took her out after a few months. This year, she got put in my class with the same kids who had been going to school for the entire meantime. So she is way behind and I've been teaching her for an extra half an hour after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. For two Mondays I subbed a class for Sarah while her mother was visiting. I am getting pretty rich, rich enough to move back to America at the end of the semester, Lunar New Year.

We've been talking about it more and more, and Jordan and I have made rough plans for departing Taiwan. She wanted to leave at Christmas and go to Thailand (Michelle!) together before going to America. I didn't feel like I could leave my school mid-semester, but I was really unhappy with the idea of being here for two months without her. It took me a long time to think of a possible solution, which was simply asking her to stay longer. I was genuinely surprised, not to mention relieved when she agreed. So now our plan is to go to Hong Kong for a few days at Christmas, then Thailand for a couple of weeks in February before going to America. She wants to visit Ben when she gets back to get a sense of closure. This makes me very nervous. She also wants to see other friends and family before we (ideally) move somewhere together. I think we're going to take a month, two weeks to see everyone on our own, then I would go to Oklahoma for a week, and bring her back to Iowa for another week. Then off to..... somewhere in North America that has seasons. I want to find a job at a natural history museum maybe?

Hey, Sean, draw us a house!

Did Escher design that house? It looks like Ouroborus with tape worms.

I'll update soon. Things were stressful, now they are not. Once I wind down, I'll fill ya in.

Taiwan Fact: Taiwanese men (only older men, I think), in order to cool off in the summer, will roll up their shirts to expose their abdomen and lower back. They could only look more ridiculous if they were also wearing a don't mess with Texas belt buckle. And sometimes, they will stare at me. Excuse me, Flabs McBetelnut, but I believe clothes were invented to cover middle-aged midriffs.

Repeat outing!


The astronomical museum.

After much planning to plan, hesitation, and finally a scramble, Jordan and I wound up in Baishawan last Friday to celebrate our anniversary. And after a frantic, desperate, and ultimately successful search for misplaced pre-rolled spliffs, we had a very relaxed and romantic little vacation.





Baishawan is just a 40 minute subway ride north and maybe a half-hour cab ride (or bus if you ain't got class) from our neighborhood and after the cab ride back, we stopped at Eddy's Cantina for some excellent Mexican food on the patio.



And to wrap up the weekend, we stopped by Simon's place for his roommate's birthday party and saw the most glorious rainbow ever.



Now, Sunday was the anniversary of me getting Jordan's number. Tuesday was the anniversary of our first date. And to celebrate our "paper anniversary" I got her a paperback of "Lolita". Romantic, right? Then we went to a really nice Italianish restaurant. The food was really good, but not terribly authentic. We had some red wine and shared a hookah for dessert. We also had our latest in a series of really serious talks about leaving Taiwan together or not. Talking about such adult stuff makes me feel like a kid. Assuming she and I stay together, what city should we move to? Discuss!

Additionally, we are all out of pot and Jordan's mom is coming on Saturday. They are going to Kending for much of the time so I'm going to be alone with nothing to do (smoke)!

Taiwan Fact: The former president, Chen Shui Bien, was just imprisoned for life. Corruption, accepting bribes, that sort of thing. Lots of members of his family have also been charged and some imprisoned. Also, just before the last election he won, his wife was crippled by an assassin's bullet intended for him, which is pretty interesting.


Burning money for ghost month, which just ended. The ashes were swirling up even as the rain came down.

Kiah's birthday was yesterday and we went out to dinner for the occasion. It was an exclusive event with a little gift exchange. Somewhat more rambunctious was the day before, fully six hours of which were spent water sliding and lazy rivering at a water park. A water park for big people where you can drink beers and no one hassles you about laying on your tube the wrong way.

I'm beginning to rein in my kids, but only through gimmicks and manipulation. I don't think school shouldn't be fun, but it's made me into goddamned clown. They only follow the rules when it's a game or when I'm yelling at them, both of which are tiring. Even going to the bathroom is an obstacle course of constant encouragement and reprimand. Can't you just pee and then come back so we can do an educational game instead of 'let's see who can not pee on the floor' and 'how fast can you wash your hands nicely without getting water and soap everywhere'.

Last Monday I stayed home sick, partly because of a cough depriving me of sleep, but mostly because Jordan called in. After I did, Jordan's school called her back and said her co-teacher's grandpa died so Jordan really needed to come in. So it was that I spent the day playing Warcraft and reading. With the time, I made the last major lunge at finishing Skinny Legs and All, which I enjoyed despite my reservations about Tom Robbin's showy style. I made up the lost lesson on Wednesday which made the week seem about as long as any other. I much prefer two days of work followed by a half day, then two more days before the weekend, to four full days in a row.

Jordan and Kiah have a new roommate, Adam, who Jordan knew in college. I haven't gotten to talk to him much, but he seems alright. He brought a classmate over the other day and then passed out from jetlag and beer. The friend stayed for another hour and a half and, while Jordan later reported on not finding him unpleasant, in a strange twist, I thought he was pretty damn irritating! Partly it was because Jordan and I had been sitting in the AC, she enjoying her second Maughm in a row and me with Voltaire's Candide which I'd picked up with a bottle of bourbon the day before, when I left to get us some food. After the disappointment of being unable to locate the burrito guy's jeep, I returned with some subs to two intoxicated dudes. I let some pauses, which I felt were laden with awkwardness, hang in hopes of boring the guy away, after Adam had gone to bed, but, for the night before an early excursion to the water park, he stayed later than I wanted to be up. Regardless, after he excused himself, I finished Candide. It's quite short, but I'm a slow reader and I was impressed with both it and myself for blazing through it in less than 36 hours. It moves so quickly and reads so easily; it was quite a pleasure.

While I'm on the topic of books, I also finished Hard-Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World by Murakami, half of which I read on my flight back here from home. It has some really fascinating ideas in it, though I feel that there is a pretty fundamental way in which I feel it contradicts itself. I'm trying to take a shotgun sampling of a wide range of literature lately because I basically stopped reading for pleasure once I started reading for school and am only just getting back into it. I just started an Oscar Wilde play...

Jordan and I are about to celebrate the first anniversary of our first date. We're going to go somewhere this weekend, but keep putting of making a decision, much less reservations. I feel like I've been here a really long time and haven't got much to show for it. The fact will make an interesting factoid about my life, and, of course, I fell in love here, but what good are interesting stories if you've already got a girl?

And now, your moment of Zen.

Taiwan Fact: At least in English kindergartens, Taiwanese children are made to drink a certain amount of water every day. At 10:30am and 2pm, my kids have to drink half their waterbottle's worth. Yet at lunch time all they get to "drink" is soup.

I skipped over a few things that had happened after I got back here. Briefly:

-Liz moved out of Jordan and Kiah's place to live with her newly arrived friend who had stayed with the three for her first couple of weeks.

-Kiah's brother, and his girlfriend and best friend, have moved to Taiwan. The couple lived with Kiah and Jordan (and I) until they found their own place. They work at Kiah's branch of Kojen; brother in the children's department and girlfriend with Kiah in the kindergarten.

-We painted one of the walls in Kiah and Jordan's place green and the others with a fresh warm white.

-The cat is bigger and less ferocious and, after peeing on Jordan's bed in revenge, banned from Jordan's room. She also got a five foot tall wooden step ladder to play with after she so enjoyed helping us paint by climbing all over it. And while she still rips up the furniture a bit, she is actually using her scratching post.

-Andy and Bevis got a dwarf hamster, Lilith.

-There were only enough students when the semester started to make four classes. So good thing Paul got fired! But too bad his most likely replacement, Mark (remember him, family?), won't join us.

-Because there is only one level 1 class now, I'm teaching a level 2 (the Koala) class: last year's youngest class. There are 14 of them and four of them are plain trouble-makers and one has been so coddled that at first I thought he might have a developmental problem. Last year I had older kids and no trouble-makers.

-They have a bunch of new potato chip flavors at FamilyMart including chili squid, fruit yogurt salad, potato salad, and sweet and sour shrimp. I'm trying them: the potato salad ones are pretty great.


More recently, there are now arrows on the floor of the hallway of my school to indicate which direction you must walk in (counterclockwise), as though it were an expressway. To better illustrate in your minds this arrangement and maybe some insight as to why it's not a super idea, here is my favorite example: the Dolphin class students must round basically the whole school to get their toothbrushes from the shelves adjacent (clockwise) to their room, then again to get to the sinks adjacent (also clockwise) to the shelves. I feel like I should point out explicitly for those not used to working with kids that generally the school's solution to kids breaking rules is to give them more rules, and specifically to running in the hallway is making them take a (sometimes much) longer route to anywhere they are going.

I saw Inglorious Basterds the other day. It was tense, gory, funny and really indulgent, and I recommend it. It had a real Tarantino feel, but had a relatively simple chronological story.

The roomies and I checked out this new or long over-looked cocktail bar just down our street. Despite the long list on their menu, they don't server cocktails (at least not to us). But they have beer and gave us wasabi peanuts, so... whatever?

The second weekend (or so) I was in Taiwan, Jeff and I searched for a Thai restaurant he'd seen in his Lonely Planet and failed. Last Saturday I finally went there for the first time and it has good food for half the price of other Thai places I've found and beer that is nearly as cheap as 7-11. I planned to meet Jeff there, not realizing there would already be more than a dozen people I knew already there and mostly already drunk.

Jordan and I are alright, and thank you for your concern. I'll be making up lost ground for a while, but my plan is to convince her to move away with me. I want to take her to visit my sister in Spain with me and move to Europe with me. But I'd settle for following her around if she'll have me.

While my Chinese fails to meaningfully advance, I have recently learned the words for peanut, pineapple and pimple (literally "youth bean").

Taiwan Fact: For major intersections, scooters may not turn left- at least, not in the way cars do. Rather, they have to go right to go left. That is, scooters must stay on the right in the intersection, pass the first lane of perpendicular traffic (the lane you'd merge with if you were turning right) and list shallowly right and then hook sharply around to the left to go into a box just in front of the far perpendicular lane. Now you are waiting to cross the light going straight in the direction that was originally to your left. I believe Taiwan is the only city whose infrastructure was built with scooters in mind.

The rest of my time spent in America was pleasant.

My welcome home party had nearly all my closest friends (in America), but nearly only my closest friends. That's what you get for planning it on moving day!



Then next day I went out for Mike's birthday, returned with a girl I had met seven years ago when I (supposedly) drunkenly flirted with her, and had Christmas dinner with my family, plus Kim.


Having her first Yorkshire pudding.

I caught up with Mike and finished out the evening, mostly as his chauffeur.


I spent more time in Iowa City, too. I got to see Julie at work at the University of Iowa Museum of Natural History, where she works with Holly- friend and former co-worker. Got a shirt of Rusty.

That evening was my last in Iowa City, so I invited a few people to meet me at the Sanctuary for a drink and dinner. In the end, everyone I invited and some extras showed up and I had a really wonderful time. Julie gave me another (cooler!) shirt from the museum. Bri seemed happy to stay and have fun with me well past 11pm, knowing she was going to have to drive us back to Des Moines that night. It was a pretty good drive.


The next day was the official start of the family reunion my mom had planned, which was also modestly attended. But I only really cared about seeing my mom's brother and his kids. I think it had been five years since I'd seen them and the kids are now 14 and 12, which is about as radically different from 9 and 7 as 5 is from 0. They were very polite and fun little people! And actually, (imagine my shock when he came in) Ben is as tall as I am. We played Wacraft 3 together and Jamie was adamant that she was going to be the undead and Ben couldn't be them too. Also, Ben beat our dads and myself at Risk.


Laura came back to Des Moines and my parents, Mike and I picked her up and we all ate at the same restaurant we ate at just before we'd flown our separate ways in the first place. That night we watched a meager display of Perseids and enjoyed each other's company.

The next day I couldn't find my headphones or the many fossils I'd gathered as souvenirs to bring back to Taiwan. But I was happy to come back, almost exclusively for one reason.


I'd given her my keys when I left, so I had to wake her with a phonecall early Friday morning. I was cloistered in her room for the next three days and I've never felt so desperately in love.

But then, within minutes of hearing what I'd been hoping to hear from Jordan for half a year, I fucked things up. I think I can make things ok, but I've had a twisting, dreadful feeling in my stomach for almost a week now. Things have been set back, but we've still been spending a lot of time together.

I've been working with younger kids since I got back: they are terrors. On the first, I start a brand new class of younger-still kids and I'm not really looking forward to it.

Wisconsin Fact: If you smoke pot, they'll throw you out of the state for two days! Not precisely. Read on!

It's a Friday morning and I feel like my days here have started to get away from me. More of my time has felt like waiting rather than doing lately. The novelty of being back home has mostly worn off and I'm starting to miss Taiwan. Pardon the sappiness, but I started missing Jordan on the plane, yet it's become extremely acute in the last couple of days. I hope summing it up and looking forward to the next two weeks will help me wrangle my time better. Plus I have gotten a lot done.

My time spent at my parents' house was laid-back but also felt very productive, each day was long and full. I arrived in Des Moines at around midnight and after we got home we shared a few beers and some noodle casserole my mom had made in anticipation of my visit. She and I stayed up past 4am catching up.

I didn't have much in the way of jet-lag. The next day I got up before 11am (before Mom, too) but couldn't keep myself up past 10:30pm. The yummy grilled steak dinner and several beers I shared with my parents and Mike probably hastened my early bedtime. With a 7:30am starting time, my next day was very full and satisfying: I put money in my American bank account, bought a sim card for my phone, renewed my 7-month expired driver's license, bought an international driver's license (I can now legally drive cars in 51 countries and motorcycles in all except the US), broke a serious sweat in the garden, and stole on the order of 50gbs of music and movies from Mike! That day ended around 2am and solidly set my sleeping schedule.

Mike also showed me his place, his lodge and let me drive his 2009 Focus (manual!) around Des Moines a bit before we headed to Iowa City in that good old purple mini-van.

I saw nearly everybody I wanted to see in the first two days there. The first was Sean's birthday, at the celebration of which I tried not to steal his thunder. As Joel and Julie pointed out, I haven't been here for a year, but it hasn't been Sean's birthday for a year, either.

The next day was Michelle's going away party, which Bri's birthday piggy-backed on. It was the first time I'd seen my sister since she'd come to Taiwan. Everyone had a good time, though we discovered that someone had been stabbed near The Vine and then the stabber was shot and killed by an off-duty sheriff about 15 minutes after Mike, Abe and I were there. Becca and I wrote a little song to commemorate the party, to the tune of Happy Birthday:

Happy Birthday to Bri/
See ya later, Michelle/
A shark fighting a zombie/
Alex is back from Taiwan/
And many more!



We ended up at Michelle's place where, over my boxers and t-shirt, I donned a bra and panties. Many pictures were taken, though I haven't seen any yet.

Next day we grilled at the reservoir.



Then Joel, Andri, Mike and I went on our big road trip, now trimmed to a three hour drive to Devil's Lake, Wisconsin. We stopped by the House on the Rock on the way.



We got to camping pretty late in the day, but we made some camp nachos and busted out Mike's telescope for a bit. The next morning began with us wandering out along a path off our campsite. The path got a little rough at some points.



10 miles later we'd circumnavigated the lake and seen much of the park.



After burgers in the drizzle,



drinking and having some good bro-time (I hope Andri at least found it amusing), Mike made some friends and brought them over to our campsite. Luckily when the park rangers showed up, it was the guy that brought it who was holding the pipe as well as the pot. The rangers were pretty polite about it, but since we let that naughty business on our site, even if we weren't participating (I was), we were asked to leave by 7am the next day and were banned from all Wisconsin State Parks for two days... One of the girls was very nice and gave us $100 for getting us in trouble and making us lose our deposit.

Since we got back I went to karaoke, kayaked with Mike and Bri, and hung out with Carey and Roxy. Then I helped Bri move all day yesterday. Soon I'll be headed back to Des Moines where Laura arrived last night. I wanted to get there before she did, but I thought she was coming later and didn't make ride arrangements in time. I'm looking forward to seeing her and spending more time with my parents and the party tomorrow. So far I feel like I've done a pretty good job not wasting time or letting people down, I hope I can get back into that groove.

Taiwan Fact: I ain't there. I's in the USofA.

I'm in America now and a lot has happened. Before I left Taiwan, Andy and I climbed a little mountain, the same one we climbed with Bryn before he left.



Kiah came back and we all saw Harry Potter. One of "we" was Charity and when we said goodbye we realized that, because she would move while I was gone, we'd almost certainly never see each other again.

Jordan took Monday afternoon off so she could come to the airport with me, which was sooo sweeeeeet. (We made out on the bus.) I would have been very sad to have had to say goodbye to her before she went to work and then go to the airport by my lonesome. Instead, my last image from Taiwan is this:



The flights and everything were not so unpleasant- I watched some movies, read, played video games, etc. My parents were a few minutes late picking me up...

It's been less than a week since I've been here and I haven't seen everyone yet, but the expense and the traveling has already been worth it. Every day has been relaxing and entertaining, and has felt important.

Taiwan Fact: Taiwanese food mostly sucks. It's a lot of fish stuck into random dishes. It's watery soups with fish balls or duck blood if you're lucky. It's greasy. It's dried, shaved pork. It's stinky tofu (which is a literal translation). It's fermented black beans. It's tiny, whole, dried shrimp sprinkled on top. It's candy that tastes like fish or beans and manages to have 500 calories. I mostly eat Tibetan, Korean or Americanish food and recently, carefully and lovingly made awesome burritos from the back of this dude's jeep which he sets up the lane between Jordan's and mine. However, the fruit here is so good it's changed my eating habits and pineapple might be my favorite. And now the, huge, soft, buttery avocados are in season. (A little dill is an excellent addition to guac, btw.) Let me tell you, if you haven't left America, you don't know what watermelon tastes like. Yes!

My last day at school was somewhat unusual. During the summer we have an outing every Friday. This one was to a Thai restaurant for lunch. I was excited to go, mostly because Thai food is rated around number three amongst my favorite cuisines. Teacher Sarah (wisely, it turned out) was not looking forward to it. But, since she had more and younger students, it was more of a trial for her. I spent a lot of time just talking with kids since they didn't need to be so closely and constantly supervised.


When did Allen lose the rattail!? :-(

The length and lateness of our lunch pushed everything back so that naptime ended at 3:30, giving me half an hour to fill. Cooking class is usually the subject for Friday afternoons and we'd planned to make sushi, not knowing we wouldn't have time. So instead I planned to play hide and seek in most of the mostly empty school, but then one of the women who works in the office was having the babies who are too young to really be in the classroom walk on sponges sitting in trays of water. The idea was to clean out the sponges and give the kids a new tactile experience or something, but it was weird and (though the kids enjoyed it) boring. And then I started my month long vacation!

I tried to start it productively with a haircut which wound up taking a really long time, but, though shorter than I wanted, turned out alright. Then the bus I was taking home stopped and the driver told everyone to get out and get the next one- I'm still not sure why. So my vacation got off to a late start. When I finally got home (Jordan's, that is), Jordan showed me her new conveyance. It's a pretty generic looking scooter- grey, 125cc, two-seater, etc. Yet it's the source of so much excitement! She put on her shiny new helmet with the purple pony stickers on the side and took it around the alleyways, managing to fall over and snap one of the brake levers in the effort. She hesitantly let me on the back for half a block to see how I felt as an extra weight. Late that evening we went out together to scout out the repair shop the previous owner had suggested. We did not fall over.



The next morning I woke up alone. When she came home after a bit, Jordan told me she'd had the brake lever replace as well as the front tire. The grand total was just over $1000, (less than we make in two hours) and they did it while she waited. Then we came up enough excuses to scooter around town for like four hours. That evening we went to Carnegie's to watch an air guitar contest in which our friend participated but did not win, despite being the only woman and the only foreigner, both which, rightly or wrongly, surely gave her an edge. Plus she was wearing a shirt with such a low neckline that threatened to expose not only her boobs but her bellybutton and she chose Queen to rock out to! What more could you ask for!? Anyway, the Rock in Hose burlesque troupe (whom I think I've mentioned before?) also performed and it was actually a lot of fun. Even Jordan might say so!

Since then we've been watching movies and I've been trying to get some to-do items crossed off before I leave. Three down, ten to go! I've been trying to get up early this week and have, if not productive, at least full days. I haven't been studying Chinese like I want to, but I've been exercising. And I beat my language exchange partner at Chinese chess! A night or two ago, as Jordan and I were settling into bed after a movie and a spliff when the room started to tremble and shake increasingly forcefully for five or ten seconds. It was the strongest earthquake I've yet experience, though nothing fell down or anything. Hey, I can blame that bowl I dropped on it!

I may be spending too much time with the cat. My arms are sleeved with scratches and she's learned she can unplug the fan or my computer or get on the coffee table to get attention (usually manifested as tossing or a spray bottle squirt). She's slowly getting more sweet though, I think, though that may just be more manipulation. She's also taken her first step to earning her keep:


Git it, kitteh! I wound up having to smash it between it escaping the bathroom and dashing for Kiah's. She wouldn't eat it, which would have been an A+ in my book, but at least she played with it. Soon she'll be a cockroach killing machine!

Anyway, I'm really excited to visit home, but I'll miss Jordan and I'm worried she'll be really sad since I'm so great to have around and all.

Apparently my last entry was a little ambiguous about Lollapalooza. I talked to my mom and she said "sorry about Chicago" and my friend Bryn who said "guess who else is going!" To clarify, let me say that I would like to go, but could only go for the first day if at all. I haven't ruled it out, but am dubious. (Haha, I constantly look up definitions to words I write as I go and "dubious" has the example sentence Alex looked dubious, but complied.)

I'm going to go ahead and put down a few dates for everyone to see since they've been changing a bit.
-July 20th, I arrive at DSM at 5pm.
-July 24th, Bri's birthday/Michelle's going away party (parties?) in Iowa City.
-July 26th-29th, camping in Wisconsin.
-August 1st-2nd, friendily reunion at my parents house in Des Moines. You're probably invited.
-August 7th, Lollapalooza in Chicago MAYBE.
-August 8th-9th, family reunion in Des Moines.
-August 12th, I leave DSM at 5pm.

My location on other days is subject to suggestion and the availability of rides. I can't wait to quit thinking about it and start doing it!

Taiwan Fact: They burn fake paper money every month to send to their deceased ancestors. This leads me to believe there is terrible inflation in the afterlife because most Taiwanese families don't have a member die every month and I don't believe there is any system of sinks or outlets up there to remove ghost money from the economy.

Summer class is way easy. I have nine students and they are the best behaved in the school (thank you, T. Chad) except one who is a bit of a shit (thank you, T. Fox). The only foreign teacher there right now is T. Sarah and I think things are working quite nicely. Because there are only two classes, unlike last year, we each teach all of the special afternoon classes. In other words, I only have to teach cooking class once a week instead of four times a week which makes it actually fun.

Kiah and Liz are in eastern Europe for two and four weeks, respectively, so Jordan, the cat and I have the place to ourselves. I've hardly been home. My hands and arms are scratched up and down. I made it out Friday night for Alyson's birthday party. She greeted us and then moved on to greet other friends. It was a fun time, but before she could make it back to talk to us, she was too drunk to do so and went home. Jordan and I went home pretty early too.

I saw Ice Age 3 today and enjoyed it pretty well. Jordan and I went together and were being pretty irritatingly affectionate on the way there and barely acknowledged each other's presences on the way back. Excluding the movie itself, it was a pretty disappointing day, particularly because it was a Sunday and started off pretty promisingly. I've also been trying to return some earrings my mother bought while she was here. Nothing more frustrating readily pops to mind. They don't speak English, I can only say things like "I don't want" or "He has diarrhea" in Chinese, and after an hour, in total, they told me they will try and give me the proper color for 600NT, no exchanges. If you can give me the proper color, why were they the wrong color to begin with? Perhaps it's better to stick with smoking pot and watching TV from 10 years ago all day every day. For another couple weeks anyway, then I'm gonna get the hell off of this island and out of this funk.

Which reminds me that my friend Xenia is going to be in Chicago at the same time I'm in Iowa at the same time Lollapalooza is also in Chicago and wants me to go with her. But the second two days overlap with my recently rescheduled family reunion.

Also, Jordan bought a scooter. I'm hoping she'll give me a lesson when she actually receives it or starts talking to me again, whichever happens second.

Taiwan Fact: Though Taiwan is a volcanic island topped with a lot of alluvial deposits, it has a granitoid basement. And a lot of the decorative stone in the city is a pretty pink granite.

I just finished my last day as the Elephant class teacher. We wrapped up a bunch of crap and then ate at McDonald's. Chicken McNuggets, orange juice, and cold corn nibblets with raisins and a pasion fruit sauce. Strangely enough, this was the second time I went to McDonald's this week because Saturday was Matt's last day in Taiwan. Jordan and I went to his and Xenia's place after having only eaten frozen yogurt all day and by the time we left, McD's was the only place around that was open (except an intimidating Taiwanese place). Today was the first time I'd been to one and been able to order beef as they stop serving it after 2am or something- I ordered nothing. I'll miss my kids, though they wore on me. I'll miss Matt though I hardly got the chance to know him, just enough to recognize a genuinely nice and interesting guy.

Last night I spent writing tiny cards for my students and co-teacher, and identifying rocks. You see, long ago I taught my kids about the rock cycle and showed them some examples of different types of stones. They were really interested in it and wanted rocks of their own. They aren't that easy to come by in town here, but I found 11 pebbles of (what I called) quartzite, sandstone and gabbro, put them in cute little bags with a label and description, and attached the cards with notes in them with adorably small clothespins. What better gift to give a spoiled rich kid than a rock? On a related note, I've been showered with cards and gifts from students and parents.


A picture of a photograph taken after the graduation ceremony.

Tomorrow, July 1st, I'll begin a week and a half of teaching Chad's class while he's in America. Then I'll have a week off and then head to 美國 myself. Turns out my family is going to come visit on the 8th, so that changes things slightly. I'm pretty excited: I keep dreaming about amber waves of grain and shit!

Taiwan Fact: People take pictures of their food. Look around any restaurant in Taiwan and people will take out their camera phones and take a snapshot of their, and often their freinds' plates. My language exchange partner pulled this one on me a few times. I don't know what brings this phenomenon about.

My kids' graduation went well. The students performed as though they were nervous but had been practicing for months, as was the case. As I predicted to myself, Eason's principle line came out "Every animal can dan*, we just have no room," and Hugh wandered a bit before finally making it to the microphone to speak (the only laugh the performance got). The audience chatted amongst themselves the second English started being spoken anyway. Jordan was lovely enough to come and support me. I still didn't get to see most of the production, being backstage most of the time, but I'll catch it when it comes out on DVD. When it was over, the level three teachers waited on the stage with their students, waiting for their students' parents' digital cameras' batteries and english vocabularies to run dry. I avoided the awkwardness of relatives' handshakes and hugs by having my arms filled with thank-you bouquets. The whole even was a blur with a lingering cute fuzziness. Here is an artist's interpretation.



After the MRT ride, Jordan and I marched through a downpour to make it home. Then I went out with Kiah and Liz to Vibe and got purdy drunk. Jordan was up when I returned and we had a long discussion that was mostly depressing. Then I slept for four hours and woke up to play Warcraft with Bri and Abe. I'm sure it was due to this confluence of bodily neglect that I was sick that Monday and stayed home. I almost did so the next day also. Thankfully I did not because we had an outing to the friggin waterpark! I sloshed, in my Kojen shirt and skimpy new trunks (purchased upon arrival), up and down the park with my kids. I saw and chatted with my friend Doug there and Kiah saw me, though not closely enough to get my attention. Her class wasn't allowed to actually go inside- seemingly the paradigm of an ill-conceived, half-assed Taiwanese English school compromise.

The rest of the week was a bit of a trial of stamina and included Liz's birthday celebrations, but by the weekend I was again over the weather. Which has gotten hella hot, by the way! Cold showers every day and AC when we're feeling indulgent.

A few reminders of the reality of my situation with Jordan had me bummed out for a while. She's depressed and can't see much to enjoy about Taiwan or her life here. She makes me feel like I'm her only consolation for being here. It's great to feel wanted, but at the same time it reminds me that she'd rather be somewhere else with someone else. Meanwhile, she's a major reason I want to stay here (not that I have any prospects to explore elsewhere). We've talked about- she does make me feel loved and appreciated. And while the jealousy and worry linger, they do me no good. Most of what is present (even what is visible on the horizon) makes me happy.

After a year here, the experience gained from simply living abroad has mostly been gained and to make another year here worth it, I feel I'll have to seek to grow much more actively. With that in mind, I got off my bus home a few stops early. I stopped in a bookstore to find a particular kind of dictionary and successfully used my (still pathetic) Chinese to ascertain that they did not have quite what I wanted. I walked up the river towards home.


If I had seen roses, they would have been sniffed.

I stopped in at JB's, an English pub just far enough from my place that I was aware of it but hadn't been. The bartender was also the owner and we chatted a bit about beer and this and that. He made the sausage on the sandwich I ordered himself, based on a recipe from his hometown of Lincolnshire. The beer, Strong Suffolk Vintage Ale was very nice. Finishing the afternoon off with a nap afterwards left me feeling very much better about life.

The cat is doing very well. She is currently suckling the first knuckle of my left thumb, making it difficult to type. In fact, my hands and arms are decorated in scratches and tiny hickeys, representing her favorite (and only) pastimes.


She caught the mouse!

Most of the time, she's actually a pointy terror. Hopefully, the repeated kickings directly resulting from foot-stalking will eventually dissuade her. I rode on Kiah's pegs to the pet store her some toys today, including a scratching post. Then we smoked, I played Warcraft and fell asleep on their couch until Jordan came home and woke me up. Then we smoked again. How can I complain!

Taiwan Fact: Taiwan has cottonwood trees. The other day I saw puffballs floating in the air, at first thinking they were cottonwood seeds, but then doubting and wondering if a pillow factory exploded. Since I hadn't seen them last year, I had to ask to be sure. They only lasted the one day.

I am worried about:
my kids' impending gradution.
renewing my ARC so I don't get deported.
hot nights in a small bed with a hot lady and no AC.

I am psyched about:
my kids' impending graduation.
Warcraft with Sister.
receiving keys to Jordan's apartment (due, in great part, to the fact that Kiah brought it up to me. I'm appreciated!).
going to 'merica!

I went to renew my ARC (alien residence certificate) today and didn't have one piece of documentation I needed. This is really my fault because I didn't update it after officially switching school, which is what the document is related to. To my credit, I did try like three times when I was supposed to. Anyway, I tried to get the Banqiao office to fax it, but they needed to talk to George at the head office and blah blah... The interesting thing is that once I got home (I busted out of there right as things were looking grim so as not to blow my whole afternoon off), George from the Tai Da school (where I observed right when I got here) called and was all like "Hey Alex, remember me?" and I was all like "Yeah, what's up?" I figured he must be the George at head office now, instead of George at Tai Da. Then he was all like "Andy just told me about dinner tonight and I'm afraid I don't have time," and then he started speaking in Chinese, something about his father or something. Anyway, he had happened to call the wrong Alex on the only day I might be expecting a call from George and was relaying information from a guy who happened to be named Andy. So it was a coincidence.

In other developments: the graduation looms (we had a rehearsal at the venue Monday morning-

backstage!); our school is only going to have two classes over the summer, so the five teachers have to figure out how to split the meager pickin's; Alyson is back from a visit home to the American Pacific northwest (and brought me back rocks and a carabiner with a compass!); Bri renewed her Warcraft account and we made new characters named after spices; the cat's bigger

(though still just small enough to fit into a Swedish Fish box) and in the dickish phase of ankle-biting, but cute enough to avoid much wrath; it's getting hot as hell and humid as... Atlantis?

I'm pretty sure I haven't gone anywhere or done anything since my last entry. Yesterday Jordan and I were talking about what potheads we have become. It's funny how lots of people reminisce about that time in their lives where they smoked all the time and were unproductive, and most of the stories are pretty similar. Ours at least gets the little twist of being in an exotic location. To give you a scale of our unproductivity, we've watched all of Southpark... all of it. We've watched a bunch of other series and movies, and are currently working on Planet Earth (David Attenborough, not Sigourney Weaver). Still, I have been exchanging language a couple of hours a week and developed a new method to learn and review characters, pronunciation and meaning at once.

I have set for myself as a goal:
seeing more of Taiwan (esp. Toroko Gorge).
saving a little money.
being able to speak Mandarin at the level of a four-year-old native by the time I'm done.
(learning to drive a scooter?)

Taiwan Fact: Happy anniversary, me! It can't really be a fact if it doesn't have a truth value.

I've been here one year today. I don't feel like I've been here that long, but at the same time I feel so removed from my arrival that it could have been a decade ago. I like to think of myself as fairly perceptive and thoughtful, but I cringe at the thought of going back and reading my first entries, all dewy-eyed and dumb. While the generalizations I tried to make in comprehending this place were mostly crap (except that everyone is slow as fuck), I'm gonna add another to the heap. Taiwanese people tend to use imitation of the successful to gain success, often replicating retarded ideas. On the other hand, American people tend to innovate, often compromising reason for the sake of difference. As a result, in Taiwan you'll find identical restaurants across the street from each other filled with lots of samey people. While in American you can find cafés that specialize in serving $3 bowls of breakfast cereal filled with (or empty of) lots of pathetic people. I feel like people here think no one is smarter than a given system, while in America everyone assumes they are.

I've now celebrated Andy's birthday (due to a slight delay last year) and Dragon Boat (by way of the lunar calendar) in Taiwan twice. We just got out of a four-day weekend for Dragon Boat Festival. Luckily, the reading should be light as I just stayed in with kitty and cutie.

Andy really milked his birthday. On Tuesday he mustered quite a crew to fill up Underworld.



It was nice to see so many people I've met collected in such a cozy (smoke-filled) place. Bevis got him a ring (!) that wound up being only just big enough for a drunken Andy to jam it onto his ring finger. After my two hours at work the next day, and being reassured there would be someone to meet up with, I met up with Andy and Alyson for lunch. $100 (Evan's burgers on Wednesday afternoons have become a tradition started by Kiah et al., though that day Kiah was already in America.) And Alyson left for that same amber-grained haven just after our lunch. Bevis caught up with Andy as we finished and took him and his now swollen and purple gilded finger to a jeweler to have the tiny cuff removed. I took a nap, and went to my language exchange and learned a pretty funny Chinese pun. And a few insults. I let Andy sway me into going to Roxy for the first time in months. It was a pretty good time, actually. We drank and talked and Ben was there, whom I haven't seen in a long time. The luckless bastard is moving to Australia in less than two months- at least he probably couldn't manage to have a worse time there! I also met one of Andy's co-workers who could have easily been Chris (August 7th, Quinton's!) doing a South African accent.

Finally, on Thursday, both Andy's actual birthday and Dragon Boat Festival, we made an expedition to go get reputedly awesome pizza. The oven was broken so we got pitas and mojitos instead. That's three nights in a row held hostage by coerced socialization and good times at gunpoint! Basically after that I spent the weekend with Jordan watching movies and tv shows, getting high, playing with the kitten and getting a very playable N64 emulation going. By Saturday I was feeling a bit cabin feverish and sad that I'd wasted the weekend. But on Sunday the sun was setting by the time we got out of bed and it felt like a very good day. Before we'd gone to bed, I'd picked up the earrings my mom bought while she was here, bought my tickets from LAX to DSM (with a friggin' layover), and made chicken and dumplings for the happily returning but very ill Kiah. Poor girl had been in quarantine all day after flying all the previous day, feeling like death the whole way.

In my last entry, I said Mike's birthday was the 12th, which is the date I always think it is, while it's actually the 2nd. What's going to go down, I think, is this:

I'll be in Johnston from July 21st through the 25th (assuming Bri's birthday celebrations are there and not Iowa City),
then camping trip until the 29th,
back to Johnston for family reunion and Mike's birthday
then Iowa City on like the 3rd for a week or so,
and back to DSM for my last days and flight back.

If there is anything going on in either of these places I forgot or don't know about, tell me so I can plan on attending. I'm for sure going to Quinton's while I'm in IC, and karaoke at Studio 13 if they're still doing it- KTV is for chumps. I wanna go grilling, maybe at the rez or college green (both?). Wanna stay at the co-op, my cousin's, Bri's and/or with any friends that will have me. Man, I'm getting psyched!

Also, it sounds like Laura is going to be in Iowa for part of the time! That's convenient, because it would have been a bitch to make a detour to New York.