just_like_alex

Taiwan Fact: Taiwanese food mostly sucks. It's a lot of fish stuck into random dishes. It's watery soups with fish balls or duck blood if you're lucky. It's greasy. It's dried, shaved pork. It's stinky tofu (which is a literal translation). It's fermented black beans. It's tiny, whole, dried shrimp sprinkled on top. It's candy that tastes like fish or beans and manages to have 500 calories. I mostly eat Tibetan, Korean or Americanish food and recently, carefully and lovingly made awesome burritos from the back of this dude's jeep which he sets up the lane between Jordan's and mine. However, the fruit here is so good it's changed my eating habits and pineapple might be my favorite. And now the, huge, soft, buttery avocados are in season. (A little dill is an excellent addition to guac, btw.) Let me tell you, if you haven't left America, you don't know what watermelon tastes like. Yes!

My last day at school was somewhat unusual. During the summer we have an outing every Friday. This one was to a Thai restaurant for lunch. I was excited to go, mostly because Thai food is rated around number three amongst my favorite cuisines. Teacher Sarah (wisely, it turned out) was not looking forward to it. But, since she had more and younger students, it was more of a trial for her. I spent a lot of time just talking with kids since they didn't need to be so closely and constantly supervised.


When did Allen lose the rattail!? :-(

The length and lateness of our lunch pushed everything back so that naptime ended at 3:30, giving me half an hour to fill. Cooking class is usually the subject for Friday afternoons and we'd planned to make sushi, not knowing we wouldn't have time. So instead I planned to play hide and seek in most of the mostly empty school, but then one of the women who works in the office was having the babies who are too young to really be in the classroom walk on sponges sitting in trays of water. The idea was to clean out the sponges and give the kids a new tactile experience or something, but it was weird and (though the kids enjoyed it) boring. And then I started my month long vacation!

I tried to start it productively with a haircut which wound up taking a really long time, but, though shorter than I wanted, turned out alright. Then the bus I was taking home stopped and the driver told everyone to get out and get the next one- I'm still not sure why. So my vacation got off to a late start. When I finally got home (Jordan's, that is), Jordan showed me her new conveyance. It's a pretty generic looking scooter- grey, 125cc, two-seater, etc. Yet it's the source of so much excitement! She put on her shiny new helmet with the purple pony stickers on the side and took it around the alleyways, managing to fall over and snap one of the brake levers in the effort. She hesitantly let me on the back for half a block to see how I felt as an extra weight. Late that evening we went out together to scout out the repair shop the previous owner had suggested. We did not fall over.



The next morning I woke up alone. When she came home after a bit, Jordan told me she'd had the brake lever replace as well as the front tire. The grand total was just over $1000, (less than we make in two hours) and they did it while she waited. Then we came up enough excuses to scooter around town for like four hours. That evening we went to Carnegie's to watch an air guitar contest in which our friend participated but did not win, despite being the only woman and the only foreigner, both which, rightly or wrongly, surely gave her an edge. Plus she was wearing a shirt with such a low neckline that threatened to expose not only her boobs but her bellybutton and she chose Queen to rock out to! What more could you ask for!? Anyway, the Rock in Hose burlesque troupe (whom I think I've mentioned before?) also performed and it was actually a lot of fun. Even Jordan might say so!

Since then we've been watching movies and I've been trying to get some to-do items crossed off before I leave. Three down, ten to go! I've been trying to get up early this week and have, if not productive, at least full days. I haven't been studying Chinese like I want to, but I've been exercising. And I beat my language exchange partner at Chinese chess! A night or two ago, as Jordan and I were settling into bed after a movie and a spliff when the room started to tremble and shake increasingly forcefully for five or ten seconds. It was the strongest earthquake I've yet experience, though nothing fell down or anything. Hey, I can blame that bowl I dropped on it!

I may be spending too much time with the cat. My arms are sleeved with scratches and she's learned she can unplug the fan or my computer or get on the coffee table to get attention (usually manifested as tossing or a spray bottle squirt). She's slowly getting more sweet though, I think, though that may just be more manipulation. She's also taken her first step to earning her keep:


Git it, kitteh! I wound up having to smash it between it escaping the bathroom and dashing for Kiah's. She wouldn't eat it, which would have been an A+ in my book, but at least she played with it. Soon she'll be a cockroach killing machine!

Anyway, I'm really excited to visit home, but I'll miss Jordan and I'm worried she'll be really sad since I'm so great to have around and all.

Apparently my last entry was a little ambiguous about Lollapalooza. I talked to my mom and she said "sorry about Chicago" and my friend Bryn who said "guess who else is going!" To clarify, let me say that I would like to go, but could only go for the first day if at all. I haven't ruled it out, but am dubious. (Haha, I constantly look up definitions to words I write as I go and "dubious" has the example sentence Alex looked dubious, but complied.)

I'm going to go ahead and put down a few dates for everyone to see since they've been changing a bit.
-July 20th, I arrive at DSM at 5pm.
-July 24th, Bri's birthday/Michelle's going away party (parties?) in Iowa City.
-July 26th-29th, camping in Wisconsin.
-August 1st-2nd, friendily reunion at my parents house in Des Moines. You're probably invited.
-August 7th, Lollapalooza in Chicago MAYBE.
-August 8th-9th, family reunion in Des Moines.
-August 12th, I leave DSM at 5pm.

My location on other days is subject to suggestion and the availability of rides. I can't wait to quit thinking about it and start doing it!

Taiwan Fact: They burn fake paper money every month to send to their deceased ancestors. This leads me to believe there is terrible inflation in the afterlife because most Taiwanese families don't have a member die every month and I don't believe there is any system of sinks or outlets up there to remove ghost money from the economy.

Summer class is way easy. I have nine students and they are the best behaved in the school (thank you, T. Chad) except one who is a bit of a shit (thank you, T. Fox). The only foreign teacher there right now is T. Sarah and I think things are working quite nicely. Because there are only two classes, unlike last year, we each teach all of the special afternoon classes. In other words, I only have to teach cooking class once a week instead of four times a week which makes it actually fun.

Kiah and Liz are in eastern Europe for two and four weeks, respectively, so Jordan, the cat and I have the place to ourselves. I've hardly been home. My hands and arms are scratched up and down. I made it out Friday night for Alyson's birthday party. She greeted us and then moved on to greet other friends. It was a fun time, but before she could make it back to talk to us, she was too drunk to do so and went home. Jordan and I went home pretty early too.

I saw Ice Age 3 today and enjoyed it pretty well. Jordan and I went together and were being pretty irritatingly affectionate on the way there and barely acknowledged each other's presences on the way back. Excluding the movie itself, it was a pretty disappointing day, particularly because it was a Sunday and started off pretty promisingly. I've also been trying to return some earrings my mother bought while she was here. Nothing more frustrating readily pops to mind. They don't speak English, I can only say things like "I don't want" or "He has diarrhea" in Chinese, and after an hour, in total, they told me they will try and give me the proper color for 600NT, no exchanges. If you can give me the proper color, why were they the wrong color to begin with? Perhaps it's better to stick with smoking pot and watching TV from 10 years ago all day every day. For another couple weeks anyway, then I'm gonna get the hell off of this island and out of this funk.

Which reminds me that my friend Xenia is going to be in Chicago at the same time I'm in Iowa at the same time Lollapalooza is also in Chicago and wants me to go with her. But the second two days overlap with my recently rescheduled family reunion.

Also, Jordan bought a scooter. I'm hoping she'll give me a lesson when she actually receives it or starts talking to me again, whichever happens second.

Taiwan Fact: Though Taiwan is a volcanic island topped with a lot of alluvial deposits, it has a granitoid basement. And a lot of the decorative stone in the city is a pretty pink granite.

I just finished my last day as the Elephant class teacher. We wrapped up a bunch of crap and then ate at McDonald's. Chicken McNuggets, orange juice, and cold corn nibblets with raisins and a pasion fruit sauce. Strangely enough, this was the second time I went to McDonald's this week because Saturday was Matt's last day in Taiwan. Jordan and I went to his and Xenia's place after having only eaten frozen yogurt all day and by the time we left, McD's was the only place around that was open (except an intimidating Taiwanese place). Today was the first time I'd been to one and been able to order beef as they stop serving it after 2am or something- I ordered nothing. I'll miss my kids, though they wore on me. I'll miss Matt though I hardly got the chance to know him, just enough to recognize a genuinely nice and interesting guy.

Last night I spent writing tiny cards for my students and co-teacher, and identifying rocks. You see, long ago I taught my kids about the rock cycle and showed them some examples of different types of stones. They were really interested in it and wanted rocks of their own. They aren't that easy to come by in town here, but I found 11 pebbles of (what I called) quartzite, sandstone and gabbro, put them in cute little bags with a label and description, and attached the cards with notes in them with adorably small clothespins. What better gift to give a spoiled rich kid than a rock? On a related note, I've been showered with cards and gifts from students and parents.


A picture of a photograph taken after the graduation ceremony.

Tomorrow, July 1st, I'll begin a week and a half of teaching Chad's class while he's in America. Then I'll have a week off and then head to 美國 myself. Turns out my family is going to come visit on the 8th, so that changes things slightly. I'm pretty excited: I keep dreaming about amber waves of grain and shit!

Taiwan Fact: People take pictures of their food. Look around any restaurant in Taiwan and people will take out their camera phones and take a snapshot of their, and often their freinds' plates. My language exchange partner pulled this one on me a few times. I don't know what brings this phenomenon about.

My kids' graduation went well. The students performed as though they were nervous but had been practicing for months, as was the case. As I predicted to myself, Eason's principle line came out "Every animal can dan*, we just have no room," and Hugh wandered a bit before finally making it to the microphone to speak (the only laugh the performance got). The audience chatted amongst themselves the second English started being spoken anyway. Jordan was lovely enough to come and support me. I still didn't get to see most of the production, being backstage most of the time, but I'll catch it when it comes out on DVD. When it was over, the level three teachers waited on the stage with their students, waiting for their students' parents' digital cameras' batteries and english vocabularies to run dry. I avoided the awkwardness of relatives' handshakes and hugs by having my arms filled with thank-you bouquets. The whole even was a blur with a lingering cute fuzziness. Here is an artist's interpretation.



After the MRT ride, Jordan and I marched through a downpour to make it home. Then I went out with Kiah and Liz to Vibe and got purdy drunk. Jordan was up when I returned and we had a long discussion that was mostly depressing. Then I slept for four hours and woke up to play Warcraft with Bri and Abe. I'm sure it was due to this confluence of bodily neglect that I was sick that Monday and stayed home. I almost did so the next day also. Thankfully I did not because we had an outing to the friggin waterpark! I sloshed, in my Kojen shirt and skimpy new trunks (purchased upon arrival), up and down the park with my kids. I saw and chatted with my friend Doug there and Kiah saw me, though not closely enough to get my attention. Her class wasn't allowed to actually go inside- seemingly the paradigm of an ill-conceived, half-assed Taiwanese English school compromise.

The rest of the week was a bit of a trial of stamina and included Liz's birthday celebrations, but by the weekend I was again over the weather. Which has gotten hella hot, by the way! Cold showers every day and AC when we're feeling indulgent.

A few reminders of the reality of my situation with Jordan had me bummed out for a while. She's depressed and can't see much to enjoy about Taiwan or her life here. She makes me feel like I'm her only consolation for being here. It's great to feel wanted, but at the same time it reminds me that she'd rather be somewhere else with someone else. Meanwhile, she's a major reason I want to stay here (not that I have any prospects to explore elsewhere). We've talked about- she does make me feel loved and appreciated. And while the jealousy and worry linger, they do me no good. Most of what is present (even what is visible on the horizon) makes me happy.

After a year here, the experience gained from simply living abroad has mostly been gained and to make another year here worth it, I feel I'll have to seek to grow much more actively. With that in mind, I got off my bus home a few stops early. I stopped in a bookstore to find a particular kind of dictionary and successfully used my (still pathetic) Chinese to ascertain that they did not have quite what I wanted. I walked up the river towards home.


If I had seen roses, they would have been sniffed.

I stopped in at JB's, an English pub just far enough from my place that I was aware of it but hadn't been. The bartender was also the owner and we chatted a bit about beer and this and that. He made the sausage on the sandwich I ordered himself, based on a recipe from his hometown of Lincolnshire. The beer, Strong Suffolk Vintage Ale was very nice. Finishing the afternoon off with a nap afterwards left me feeling very much better about life.

The cat is doing very well. She is currently suckling the first knuckle of my left thumb, making it difficult to type. In fact, my hands and arms are decorated in scratches and tiny hickeys, representing her favorite (and only) pastimes.


She caught the mouse!

Most of the time, she's actually a pointy terror. Hopefully, the repeated kickings directly resulting from foot-stalking will eventually dissuade her. I rode on Kiah's pegs to the pet store her some toys today, including a scratching post. Then we smoked, I played Warcraft and fell asleep on their couch until Jordan came home and woke me up. Then we smoked again. How can I complain!

Taiwan Fact: Taiwan has cottonwood trees. The other day I saw puffballs floating in the air, at first thinking they were cottonwood seeds, but then doubting and wondering if a pillow factory exploded. Since I hadn't seen them last year, I had to ask to be sure. They only lasted the one day.

I am worried about:
my kids' impending gradution.
renewing my ARC so I don't get deported.
hot nights in a small bed with a hot lady and no AC.

I am psyched about:
my kids' impending graduation.
Warcraft with Sister.
receiving keys to Jordan's apartment (due, in great part, to the fact that Kiah brought it up to me. I'm appreciated!).
going to 'merica!

I went to renew my ARC (alien residence certificate) today and didn't have one piece of documentation I needed. This is really my fault because I didn't update it after officially switching school, which is what the document is related to. To my credit, I did try like three times when I was supposed to. Anyway, I tried to get the Banqiao office to fax it, but they needed to talk to George at the head office and blah blah... The interesting thing is that once I got home (I busted out of there right as things were looking grim so as not to blow my whole afternoon off), George from the Tai Da school (where I observed right when I got here) called and was all like "Hey Alex, remember me?" and I was all like "Yeah, what's up?" I figured he must be the George at head office now, instead of George at Tai Da. Then he was all like "Andy just told me about dinner tonight and I'm afraid I don't have time," and then he started speaking in Chinese, something about his father or something. Anyway, he had happened to call the wrong Alex on the only day I might be expecting a call from George and was relaying information from a guy who happened to be named Andy. So it was a coincidence.

In other developments: the graduation looms (we had a rehearsal at the venue Monday morning-

backstage!); our school is only going to have two classes over the summer, so the five teachers have to figure out how to split the meager pickin's; Alyson is back from a visit home to the American Pacific northwest (and brought me back rocks and a carabiner with a compass!); Bri renewed her Warcraft account and we made new characters named after spices; the cat's bigger

(though still just small enough to fit into a Swedish Fish box) and in the dickish phase of ankle-biting, but cute enough to avoid much wrath; it's getting hot as hell and humid as... Atlantis?

I'm pretty sure I haven't gone anywhere or done anything since my last entry. Yesterday Jordan and I were talking about what potheads we have become. It's funny how lots of people reminisce about that time in their lives where they smoked all the time and were unproductive, and most of the stories are pretty similar. Ours at least gets the little twist of being in an exotic location. To give you a scale of our unproductivity, we've watched all of Southpark... all of it. We've watched a bunch of other series and movies, and are currently working on Planet Earth (David Attenborough, not Sigourney Weaver). Still, I have been exchanging language a couple of hours a week and developed a new method to learn and review characters, pronunciation and meaning at once.

I have set for myself as a goal:
seeing more of Taiwan (esp. Toroko Gorge).
saving a little money.
being able to speak Mandarin at the level of a four-year-old native by the time I'm done.
(learning to drive a scooter?)

Taiwan Fact: Happy anniversary, me! It can't really be a fact if it doesn't have a truth value.

I've been here one year today. I don't feel like I've been here that long, but at the same time I feel so removed from my arrival that it could have been a decade ago. I like to think of myself as fairly perceptive and thoughtful, but I cringe at the thought of going back and reading my first entries, all dewy-eyed and dumb. While the generalizations I tried to make in comprehending this place were mostly crap (except that everyone is slow as fuck), I'm gonna add another to the heap. Taiwanese people tend to use imitation of the successful to gain success, often replicating retarded ideas. On the other hand, American people tend to innovate, often compromising reason for the sake of difference. As a result, in Taiwan you'll find identical restaurants across the street from each other filled with lots of samey people. While in American you can find cafés that specialize in serving $3 bowls of breakfast cereal filled with (or empty of) lots of pathetic people. I feel like people here think no one is smarter than a given system, while in America everyone assumes they are.

I've now celebrated Andy's birthday (due to a slight delay last year) and Dragon Boat (by way of the lunar calendar) in Taiwan twice. We just got out of a four-day weekend for Dragon Boat Festival. Luckily, the reading should be light as I just stayed in with kitty and cutie.

Andy really milked his birthday. On Tuesday he mustered quite a crew to fill up Underworld.



It was nice to see so many people I've met collected in such a cozy (smoke-filled) place. Bevis got him a ring (!) that wound up being only just big enough for a drunken Andy to jam it onto his ring finger. After my two hours at work the next day, and being reassured there would be someone to meet up with, I met up with Andy and Alyson for lunch. $100 (Evan's burgers on Wednesday afternoons have become a tradition started by Kiah et al., though that day Kiah was already in America.) And Alyson left for that same amber-grained haven just after our lunch. Bevis caught up with Andy as we finished and took him and his now swollen and purple gilded finger to a jeweler to have the tiny cuff removed. I took a nap, and went to my language exchange and learned a pretty funny Chinese pun. And a few insults. I let Andy sway me into going to Roxy for the first time in months. It was a pretty good time, actually. We drank and talked and Ben was there, whom I haven't seen in a long time. The luckless bastard is moving to Australia in less than two months- at least he probably couldn't manage to have a worse time there! I also met one of Andy's co-workers who could have easily been Chris (August 7th, Quinton's!) doing a South African accent.

Finally, on Thursday, both Andy's actual birthday and Dragon Boat Festival, we made an expedition to go get reputedly awesome pizza. The oven was broken so we got pitas and mojitos instead. That's three nights in a row held hostage by coerced socialization and good times at gunpoint! Basically after that I spent the weekend with Jordan watching movies and tv shows, getting high, playing with the kitten and getting a very playable N64 emulation going. By Saturday I was feeling a bit cabin feverish and sad that I'd wasted the weekend. But on Sunday the sun was setting by the time we got out of bed and it felt like a very good day. Before we'd gone to bed, I'd picked up the earrings my mom bought while she was here, bought my tickets from LAX to DSM (with a friggin' layover), and made chicken and dumplings for the happily returning but very ill Kiah. Poor girl had been in quarantine all day after flying all the previous day, feeling like death the whole way.

In my last entry, I said Mike's birthday was the 12th, which is the date I always think it is, while it's actually the 2nd. What's going to go down, I think, is this:

I'll be in Johnston from July 21st through the 25th (assuming Bri's birthday celebrations are there and not Iowa City),
then camping trip until the 29th,
back to Johnston for family reunion and Mike's birthday
then Iowa City on like the 3rd for a week or so,
and back to DSM for my last days and flight back.

If there is anything going on in either of these places I forgot or don't know about, tell me so I can plan on attending. I'm for sure going to Quinton's while I'm in IC, and karaoke at Studio 13 if they're still doing it- KTV is for chumps. I wanna go grilling, maybe at the rez or college green (both?). Wanna stay at the co-op, my cousin's, Bri's and/or with any friends that will have me. Man, I'm getting psyched!

Also, it sounds like Laura is going to be in Iowa for part of the time! That's convenient, because it would have been a bitch to make a detour to New York.

I forgot a few important things in the last entry. One is that, the Sunday after we got the kitty, I surprised Jordan by taking her to see Nouvelle Vague. They do covers mostly of 80s pop. It was an early show with just the one band and they are quite the showmen- perfect for a Sunday evening. Their performance of Love Will Tear Us Apart, unlike their album version, became pretty epic, as the room sang along to the chorus.


They saved some of their best stuff (In a Manner of Speaking) for the encores. Jordan and I agreed encores are tacky.


I've begun the process of renewing my ARC by going for another medical checkup. I accidentally passed the hospital and bumped into a dude I knew who reoriented me. When I got there and was being pricked and prodded, I ran into someone else I knew. Rather, who knew me. I had to sneak a peek at her form to recognize her for Jordan's coworker. More and more frequently I find myself in that situation without the aid of documentation.

The cat can now drink by herself and is sleeping about the place on her own. After a week she is noticeably bigger and unavoidably more capable, but still cute as a button.

Most importantly, I neglected to share the dates I'll be touring the midwest, which are as follows:

July 21st: Arriving Tuesday
July 24th: Lil sister's birthday
July 31st-August 2nd: Family reunion/party at parents house
August 12th: Mikey G's Birthday
August 13th: Departing

I plan on dividing my time between Des Moines, Iowa City, and the road. Though our plans to travel to Portland became logistically untenable, there is still a (less ambitious) road trip a-brewing. Save the dates!

Taiwan Fact: In Taiwan, cash is king. I can probably count the number of credit cards I've seen here on my fingers. I feel naked running around with less than $100 on me, while at home you'd be lucky to catch me with $5.

Lots of things have happened since my last entry, mostly pretty awesome. Firstly, we'll go back in time all the way to last (Chinese) year, because Jeff finally posted the rest of his friggin' photos.






Goddamned monkey ate my sunglasses.

I found some round trip tickets to the US of America for about $700, which I had to ask my dad to buy because my bank is pretty archaic in the limited ways I'm allowed to access my money. Basically cash only without a good amount of effort. Then on Saturday, as though Jordan's apartment needed to be more friendly, the inhabitants thereof and I went and got this one:


老虎 or Laohu or Tiger.


First bath!


She's too young to drink by herself.

Anyway, she's super cute and retarded. Kiah and Jordan are the mommies, Liz is the godmother and I'm the uncle, it was decided. Jordan and I barely fit in her bed to begin with, but we've been letting kitty sleep in between us now and again. Her tummy was really distended when we got her and we suspected she had worms, but she's really grown into it. I think she was just malnourished. We've had her a week now and she's so much bigger and less retarded. Her vision is much-improved; she can climb into bed by herself; she's loud as hell; and she scampers around the apartment like she owns the place.

On the same Saturday, I went to Teacher Paul's place for a house warming party and had a great time drinking and playing ping-pong. At about 11, he had to be roused from where he passed out and carried to bed. Then I went to see Star Trek, which I really enjoyed. It had a lot of in-jokes for us nerdier types, but Kiah and Jordan also thought it was awesome despite not being terribly familiar with the series and other movies.

My kids' graduation performance is consuming most of my time at school, which is kind of nice, actually. We're mostly done with it already, so I'm not feeling any kind of pressure, just singing and dancing instead of math and phonics.

And finally, I'm feeling just slightly more motivated these days. My Chinese learning has started outpacing my forgetting again. And Andy's back from the homeland, so that's fun. He and Adam just got some lawn furniture for our roof. Let's go see that subtropical sunset!

Taiwan Fact: Taiwanese children score an average 3% greater cuteness than the rest of the world's. I imagine it must have something to do with the unusually high population density. There ain't enough room for the uggos!

In America, when "juice" isn't really all juice, the rest is usually stuff to make it taste all awesome, like high-fructose corn syrup. In Taiwan, the rest must be paper pulp or something. There are 32 fruits and vegetables in this 70% juice drink and I can't read what the rest is, but it's taste suggests that the flavor is not in the remaining 30%'s consideration. Back to 100% varieties tomorrow.

Our current unit is family/Mother's Day. One of the sentence patterns we're learning is "What will you do for your mom?" The two given responses are "Clean the house," and "Make her a card." But, as that's pretty lame, I make my kids come up with their own. There were several dinosaur-related responses, Eason will catch a cloud, Hugh will eat the Earth.


(Emma's mom's name is Annie)

As I posted my last blog, Jordan got her first haircut since we met. As it was happening, it felt like a snail's pace, but in less than a year we went from strangers to L-word flinging near-cohabitants. As we've grown closer, I couldn't see that my trap was being sprung in slow motion. All the fluctuations on the way could only slow her falling in love with me- ha! Yes!

When I returned to her house to admire her new haircut (which, it was decided, makes her look more European, more Taiwanese, more mature and more like a five-year-old), she and Kiah we cleaning up the house. A while ago, Jordan said she missed playing Super Nintendo and I'd been sitting on that as a gift idea for months. I gave up waiting and bought a USB gamepad and downloaded snes9x and all the games ever made for it. As they finished cleaning I set it up and was running Super Mario World on their tv by the time they were done. We smoked pot and ate the Korean take-out I'd brought and played Nintendo the way Gawd intended. The point of this paragraph is to illustrate that mine is a life envied by all living things (even though I accidentally deleted the Minish Cap saved game I've been playing for months this morning).

Taiwan Fact: In Yilan, they speak Taiwanese with a unique accent. I walked by some local women talking in something that wasn't Mandarin, but didn't sound like Taiwanese either. It seems they (among other differences, I'm sure) add an "oo-ee" sound to a lot of words. The one I remember is gate/door which in Mandarin is men (said "mun"), in Taiwanese is more like meng (mung) and in Yilanese sounds a bit like mui in Spanish. It's properly an accent though, as it and other Taiwanese accents are mutually intelligible.

Sarah, whom I mentioned in my last entry, discovered that she had let her work visa expire the Tuesday before last. Unfortunately, she discovered this with the help of the Taiwanese government who then informed her she had a week to leave the country and mayn't return for a year (or something like that). She was officially deported this Tuesday morning. She was Jordan's co-worker. I'm fuzzy on the details. She had also lost her ARC card a while ago, but I'm not sure that had anything to do with it. Good reminder to renew mine soon! Though both she and I have been doing illegal work to begin with.

I went to her going away Seafood Dinner, a tradition in Jordan's circle for any major occasion. Alyson was there too, but had to leave early. I was planning on following her around for the evening and Jordan used the excuse to leave early too. Alyson and I went to a show that started out well and, I hear, continued to go well after we left. It sounded like something worth staying at, but Alyson was hosting a party at Vibe I told her I'd go to. We went there and cracked open her complimentary bottle of whiskey. By the time it was gone, Adam was there, but just about no one else. I danced with Alyson on the otherwise empty dance floor until past 2am. She was pretty bummed that nobody came, but we had a good time dancing at least. Also, check out this cab we took there!



My graduation stuff is coming together pretty nicely, though what with the enterovirus and swine flu, I haven't had a full class in a week! Vivian may possibly have the enterovirus and the other kids that have missed a day or two I assume must have (or have had) swine flu.

This weekend I went out to Yilan on an all-day outing with most of the kids from my school and their families. Chad was right, saying that, at least, the worst part was the hour-and-a-half bus ride there during which we were supposed to entertain the passengers. And, even after Xiao Pang (literally "Little Fat"), our bus' tour guide, ate up the first (and last) twenty minutes gabbing away over the mic in Chinese, Chad did basically all of the entertainment work. Apparently on one of the other buses (they were big charter buses, not our school's) no one was allowed to stand once we got on the freeway for legal reasons, which was most of the trip. So they had to entertain from their seats. Once we got there, it was a lot of wandering around and chatting, mostly with the kids and other teachers. The students were really excited when they heard me say a thing or two in Chinese.

"Ooooh! You spoke Chinese!"
"It's ok, because it's Saturday- we can all speak Chinese."
"Yay! Teacher Alex, how do you say 'yellow' in Chinese?"
"Huang se."

And so, rather than speaking Chinese, they just quizzed me on Chinese vocabulary in English.


Hi-ya!

I started a language exchange that hasn't really born fruit yet, but seems promising. Otherwise I've been spending a lot of time watching South Park and being high, which (ironically?) has cut my drinking way back to within reach of good citizenry. However, even completely drug-free and with a legal job, I still could only manage to be a good resident anyway. And playing The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap on my phone- it might even be better than A Link to the Past. Liz and Kiah seem to have active enough lifestyles that I'm not in their way too much, even though I think I'm at their place more than they are.

I'm starting to imagine what my visit home will be like. I've decided to wait until my next paycheck (Tuesday) to get my tickets, but I actually don't know exactly when and where they should be to. Joel and Andri (feat. Mike!) have this big road trip to the west coast planned, but I'm afraid to give up too much time away from Iowa. The two options I've narrowed it to are either flying into Portland to meet them for the return trip, or just not leaving Iowa at all. With the latter option, I don't have a target date to be home though. I'd like to be there for my sister's birthday (July 24) and Mike's (August 2, right?), I'd kinda like to see Nine Inch Nails here (August 12, ridiculous, no?), and my school would like me to keep my trip as much in August and out of July as possible. Four weeks, but where to put them?

Taiwan Fact: Taiwan pretty well shuts down at night. By 10pm you can't eat at most restaurants. At around midnight, the night markets close. During the week, the bars may not have been open in the first place and all you have left are 7-elevens, illuminating near-empty streets. Taipei: The City That Often Sleeps.

Let me tell ya, watching a five-year-old swinging their shoulders, looking down at the foot they're shuffling while rehearsing You were such a P.Y.T. / Catching all the lights is all kinds of cute. I wrote the script for our play, loosely based on Dumbo. Basically, there is a circus and all the animals like it except the elephants because they don't have room. They are all afraid of the outside world because of stories the ring master tells them. Since they can't really move much, the elephants are boring to watch so the ring master is going to dress them up like clowns. They get pissed and leave. The other animals go to rescue them and find them playing in a field. The ring master finds them and sees them dancing. They return to the circus on the conditions that they get to dance instead of be clowns and can go outside when they want.


Candid picture of posing for a different picture! It's clever because of the layers.

I did a lot of nothing this weekend and a little something on Saturday. Jordan went to a co-worker's birthday party, leaving me at her place with Kiah and Liz. I've been afraid of cramping their style so I made moves to leave, but they made me feel very welcome and Sarah, Alyson and this other dude came over shortly. We smoked some drugs and ate lots of food. Eventually Alyson and I left to go to Luxy to drop by someone's birthday party before midnight when we were all to reconvene at Vibe. The someone wound up not being at Luxy yet so Alyson and I killed some time at an arcade we found. It was filled with slot machines, video poker and a handful of slightly creepy patrons. Gambling is illegal here, so you play with and win tokens. Unless you go to the back and pony up a grand! A grand of New Taiwanese Dollars! We'd been carrying around a balloon sculpture...


...and a stogie.

After that we went to Vibe which dragged until Andy, Adam, Bevis and Aaron showed up. The music was cheesy "old school rock" but pretty fun. Sarah, Liz and Kiah showed up a bit later and it started to get pretty fun. After a few beers we dominated the dance floor, with Alyson zipping in and out. The boys had skidooed (Andy flew back to the homeland 8 hours later) and the girls made me feel very much like a good friend rather than a friend of a friend. Liz even referred to me as her forth roommate- aw, jeeeez! We were just heading out the door when Kiah was informed that Cathleen was just pulling up to the club, so we 180ed and descended once more. After more good dance times, Kiah and I left together (her suggestion so she could let me in, so nice!) and at about 4am I crawled into be with a sound and fast asleeping Jordan. On Sunday I wrote my script and we watched the two most recent Harry Potter movies.

I've also arranged to have a regular language exchange partner or three. One I've never met I'm meeting on Sunday, the other two are a co-worker and her friend which is more tentative and they want to start in June for some reason.

It made me really happy to hear about and see pictures from my friends coming to visit my family last week. Makes me see there are connections that I helped forge that are strong enough to stand in my absence. Friends, say you'll still hang out at my parents house even if I die, ok? I still haven't gotten to looking for tickets home on account of I don't have the cash to buy them up front and, more importantly, I don't know exactly when I'll have off. Chad says just buy them and the school will work something out. Gotta get on that! I'll have to make a facebook event where people bid and vie for my time when I'm back home! Then everyone will think I'm a tool and I'll just stay at my parents' house the whole time.

Taiwan Fact:Taipei is ranked as the 7th most densely populated metropolitan area in the world. I've heard that if you go by city strictly, Taiwan has three or four of the top ten, the densest of which (Yong He), I work in. Anyway, lots of people.

I had my first Chinese jinx the other day: Bevis sprayed some cologne at me and together Andy and I said "hen hao wen" which (with the proper toneage) means very good smell. Yes.

As spring really kicks in, Taipei sees it's people waiting in the shade for walk-signs and wearing the shortest shorts which could still properly be called such. Street corners that recently vended scarves might offer ice-cream. The children continue to sweat profusely.

Yesterday I helped Jordan move to her new place. Since most of her stuff was already there, this really just entailed carrying a bag down the block. Then, there, I made basil chicken with mushrooms and onions, dill potato wedges, and pan-seared pea-snaps. I also bought bread and a pie. Turns out (in addition to a 2 hour day, 100NT burgers at Evan's, and 4 free beers at Roxy), Wednesdays produces a pie lady at the end of our own alley, putting it even farther ahead in the contest for best day of the week. Anyway, we got really high and it was really pleasant. Jordan's new bed is tiny. The apartment is very homey and the kitchen is almost like a kitchen, unlike ours which is 33% kitchenette and 67% compost pile.

My room feels much more comfortable after spending a few days actually living in it. I'm a little sad Jordan isn't staying here any more, but glad I'll get to know Kiah and Liz better. Still, one must remember not to wear out one's welcome! Honestly, I'll also be happy to spend less time at home just because it is such an insufferable dump.

I've rediscovered the joys of the ball room at school. It's all padded and cramped and great for chasing down and tackling children to tickle. As I was going down the tornado slide, I thought about how excited a six-year-old me would have been to know I would one day get paid to do this. And that I'd (still) be way better at tag than everyone else. My kiddies now know that Tom Waits song and I plan on getting them onto Justice tomorrow.

I spend so much time enjoying myself I just can't muster the motivation to learn Chinese. It's hard and life is so easy. I've actually managed to forget a lot of what I knew, but I have been learning things like cherry, ketchup, lettuce, and pickle. Practical! At least I've been saving money and may be able to buy my ticket to visit the homeland next paycheck. Andy is going back for three weeks this weekend. I hope I get to stay for four when I go since it seems that up to two will be eaten by a road trip.

Taiwan Fact: The Tropic of Cancer passes through Taiwan. In Taipei, we're technically in the sub-tropics, but the southern portion of the island is properly tropical. It isn't a terribly big island, but it certainly seems dramatically hotter on the other end of it.

I forgot to write about a totally awesome thing. Last Monday we were lining up to go to the bathroom when an alarm went off. I soon found this was trying to convey something like "the Man's here, run, whiteys!" So into the secret door we a-scampered. In the dust of the yet-unused escalatorwell we climbed up and across to the storeroom of an adjacent school. There we crouched behind the half-wall amongst flash cards and board games, just out of sight (we hoped) of the door we'd come through. When fifteen minutes had passed and we hadn't received an all-clear, and further climbings or out-of-window jumpings were ruled out, Chad decided to go into the other school, making up some story about getting locked in there whilst showing his new teachers around. Hard to determine how believable it was since I didn't understand much of it and couldn't see it's audience too well. But we left our neighbors and got the fuck outa Dodge. And, in our slippers, had some coffee across the street. And actually, we weren't all in our slippers. Paul's had come off when we were scrambling up to our perch. The ones he was wearing, labeled "Michelle", he'd found in the storage area and may well have belonged to the woman Chad lied to. When we returned, he recovered his slippers and replaced Michelle's, no doubt as loudly as he'd retrieved them.

This weekend a dozen of us rented vans and drove down to Kending in the very south of Taiwan. Spring Scream is a music fest held there ever year, but we went for the parties and beach and so on. Driving and camping made me forget I was in Taiwan. We drove all night and got there at 8am on Saturday. We wandered around the already-trashed town, increasing lined with hungover and drunken visitors. Jordan and I spent a lot of the time being high and lazy. We did make it down to the beach after unexpected effort where I swam and checked out the rock and coral, and Jordan got a pretty hardcore farmer's burn.

A few of us made plans to climb the nearby rocky jut of a mountain. Fewer of us actually got up there after the first attempt was foiled by unconscionably windy roads and fading daylight. Sunday morning was a relatively early one. Jordan went to meet up with Kiah, the fewer went up the mountain (now that I'm thinking of it, I'm not actually sure how far they got), and the rest of us went to a pebble beach, Jialishui, for surfing/swimming/stone skipping/playing with a cute corgi. Jordan had been there a little more than a year before. When we rejoined each other, we ate at a little café/hostel at Jialishui before heading home. Jordan got the card of the place- I would love to go back and stay there with her on a little vacation sometime. We both got to drive on the way back, which after ten months was a pleasant experience. Except Taiwanese drivers seem to think that, of three lanes, the middle is the slowest. I managed to get only very slightly crispy, despite nice weather at temperatures in maybe like the 80s. I think I only wound up spending like 3000NT ($100) on the trip. Jordan got really burnt, poor thing.

Back into the sub-tropics and workweek, I'm digging away at our graduation crap, even as more is piled on. I bought some children's Chinese books, hoping it will rekindle my motivation to learn. I'm so content to snuggle, smoke pot, watch tv, play video games, and nap- learning seems excessively not-indulgent.

Taiwan Fact: Business cards are kind of a big deal here. Apparently everyone else here already knew this. Accept a card with both hands, admire it and stick it in your wallet. And do not write shit on it. And don't tell anyone I primarily use them to make "filters" for spliffs.

Before my family left, I'd already been back to work for a few days. They went to some temples and whatnots while I was. As I get off early on Wednesdays and it was the day before they left, we went to Yang Ming Shan national park, just outside the city limits.





That night we went to Zabu, a little café in the next alley over that sells mostly Japanese food.


Our last night together.

My roommates, my sister, and myself were going to a show right after, and, despite not being hungry, my roommates stopped by to say goodbye to my parents and pose for a picture for them. Jordan ate with us too which made me happy because I want them to know each other, but also because I wanted my family to see me with her so maybe they could get an idea for how I feel about her.

We left the restaurant and walked down the alley together. Jordan peeled off towards her home. My family walked across the street together to the corner where we would part ways. We said goodbyes and thanks, and hugged. Bri and I got on a bus and headed towards The Wall where Battles was playing.


We were a bit late, but saw a little more than an hour of music, all of which was Battles- 20 minutes of that was an encore. And we were out of there at a reasonable time.

The whole visit was invigorating and left me very happy. Even saying goodbye didn't feel sad, it actually felt like an accomplishment. I succeeded in showing them a good time and giving them some insight into my life.

My kids are getting ready for graduation. I spent last Friday mostly hanging out while they got their pictures taken. Actually, all that I got accomplished was the one-on-one stuff that's usually very time-consuming.


A little more than half of those kids are Dolphin class, which (thank goodness) aren't mine.




Hugh would not smile, I think because he's pretty toothless at the moment.

I settled on a few songs for my kids to sing at their graduation performance. I haven't worked out the rest of the performance exactly, but it's going to be a heavy-handed metaphor for not sheltering children retarded. They'll be elephants in a circus who don't want to leave and sing "I Don't Wanna Grow Up", then they'll talk about how the outside world is scary and filled with things like Pink Elephants on Parade (they've almost got that one down now), and then they'll get out somehow or other and realize the rest of the world is pretty sweet and they will DANCE. It might be awesome? I hope so.

I used the weekend to finish recovering from being sick, which mostly worked. Jordan and I started watching Dead Like Me. Holy crap, I was gonna link something under that and noticed that they're making a movie! Kickass. Sunday was the semi-anniversary of our first date and Jordan was so sweet to remember. We wound up staying in bed all day, which seemed somehow appropriate, plus I think it helped me finally put the kibosh on my cold. It wasn't until 8pm that I got out of bed. I went home and showered and made some french onion soup to bring back to her. I think we also had our first fight, but it ended and was resolved pretty quickly. Things seem much more open-ended now, and I'm pretty happy and content basically all of the time. Which, along with my family's visit, helped steer me towards the decision rumors have already been flying about, which is to stay in Taiwan for another year or so. I tried for a while consider the pros and cons, and keep my feelings for Jordan out of it. Apart from being really difficult, I realize that it was also pointless because I found in her a pool of happiness that I've yet to find the full depth of.

That lady is moving in with Kiah and Liz, who are some of my favorite Taiwanese-ish people. It's also awesome because I could probably hit their place with a thrown stone from my bedroom window. However, their former roommate (Susan) took a turn for the uncooperative. She's already gone, so, with her consent, Jordan decided to move in early. This is partly because the girl replacing her wants to move in asap. So yesterday Jordan texted me saying she got some bad news and needed to ask a huge favor, which, I admit, made me a little worried. Turns out when the former roommate came by and saw everything re-arranged, she felt she'd been (dramatically and cruelly) erased from the apartment she asked Jordan to meet with her to discus prorating the room for the two extra weeks. Which is bullshit for the stated reasons, but also because Jordan is moving into Liz's room, not hers. She decided to move out to live with her boyfriend, it sounds like partly because she's alienated her roommates and then decides the day Jordan was gonna move in that she wants to be paid for her impatience. The favor was, by the way, to spend up to two weeks at my place. I've been trying to get her over here for, it turns out, six months! We also thought it would be funny if Jordan just slept on Kiah and Liz's couch for the two weeks. But, I pointed out, then I would be paying for Susan's decision.

(Mike, don't read this part. If you do, you're obligated to come to Taiwan despite the following content freaking the balls off you.)
Speaking of Kiah, she saw me in the alley the other day looking towards my feet. Then I stopped and backtracked a few paces to look down again. She joined me and, as I had done, used her foot to poke the palm-sized brown body of a spider on the pavement. We got into a conversation about spiders and how I'm going to cook at their house all the time and how I'm a loser for not taking Chinese classes any more and drinking hiatuses and so on. After a solid three minutes, the fucking beast of a spider springs up and skitters on it's eight jerky-yet-determined appendages right between us. Holy balls!

I'm going to keep writing a whole bunch more of crap.

April fools!

Taiwan Fact: Taiwan's squirrels are smaller than the red and grey squirrels of North America and are grey with a striking orange tummy. I hadn't seen one until this week! I'm not sure if they're indigenous.

My parents have been in town for a bit more than a week now. Before they did I saw Watchmen, which made me think the comic is probably good, but the movie was sort of a string of scenes of deadpan gore and sex. I stayed out late and woke up with a scratchy throat. Thursday evening I fell asleep at 9:30 and woke up a couple hours later feeling pretty shitty. The first time I get sick (enough to speak of) and it's days before my family comes all the way from the New World. I called in on Friday morning but went in the afternoon to get evaluations done for my kids. I thought it was funny to skip half a day when I was sick and skipping two whole days when I was more-or-less fit. That evening I went to see Melt Banana despite feeling like poo, which was a good decision. Saturday was Adam's 23rd and we went to a rock show at VU that was delayed which resulted in one of the better bands not playing. One of Jordan's close friends was in a burlesque troupe that performed between the first two musical acts, so she was there. We left together after their second performance. Sunday was spent in preparation...

Then I went to the airport. I waited by the arrival bottleneck for the better part of an hour and by the end of it my mind had wandered pretty far. I discovered myself looking at a guy way down the hall for a few seconds before I realized it was because he looked like my dad, quickly followed by the realization that I was waiting for my family and that, yes in-fucking-deed, that's my dad. My face got stuck in the kind of smile that hurts if you hold it too long, but you can't fight it back. My mom and sister came into view and, from the other side of the dividing wall, I gestured toward the exit.

We haven't gotten much out of the city. Mom sent me a list of things she wanted to see and, as I went through them I discovered that eight of the thirteen things were museums. I thought this was a little lame since you can learn things about cultures without having to leave a comfy chair in front of the fireplace, but my only priority was to spend time with them, we could have spent all day every day in the Museum of Rubber Bands. (Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy museums and wanted to go too, but if I was going so far abroad for such a short time I'd balance out a little more excitement.) My parents stayed at Eight Elephants, a hostel that Bevis works at. It's pretty modest, but with a price to match- plus they're pretty out-going people and I think they're enjoying the common space there. My sister has been staying at my place and I, just like a good brother wouldn't, have been (except the first night) staying at Jordan's. I had the week off, but never got a chance to completely recover from being sick. Every day last week was gorgeous and hot. We did go out to a good number of the suburbs and down to Wulai to see the falls and an indigenous village. We went up 101, saw Longshan Temple and hit a few night markets. Of course I've taken them to my preferred watering holes in the evenings.

I've felt bad spending so much time with Jordan while my family is here, but it's been almost all unconscious time. She's the one that got me sick and hasn't been feeling well, so she hasn't been up to hanging out much. We all went to Bob Wun Daye, plus the roommates, on St. Patrick's Day and had lovely time. Everyone seemed to get along really well and be on roughly the same page as far as politics and humor, and it made me happy to see. I think everyone liked everyone pretty well. Katrina (the owner) was bar-tending that evening and I think she was really pleased I brought my family in. We all got a free shot of Jamison's to start with, in light of the holiday, and my kin and I drank seven pints of Guinness between us. When I went up to pay, she insisted on giving us all another complimentary round of shots, and she charged me a grand total of $750 which would normally buy maybe four Guinnesses. (I felt guilty and left the change as a tip and brought my family back on Saturday for their fifth anniversary.)

When Laura and Michelle came to visit I had to be host more of the time just because they didn't know anyone else. Laura's trip was so short and most of Michelle's was spent in Thailand that they didn't become burdensome. Plus Andy jumped into the role of host and friend with both of them which was much appreciated. My family has each other and plans, all I've really had to do is execute the plans and be around the people. I am getting wiped out, but only physically while being mentally and emotionally recharging. In fact, what with life being so easy here and me starting to feel settled into it, adding my family to it makes me feel happier than I can remember.

Thailand Fact: In Thailand, white elephants are legally property of the king. It doesn't matter if it's born in the wild, a zoo, a wildlife refuge, labor camp, whatever- if it's an albino, it's His. There is a display at the palace of the bones of former members of the king's white elephant menagerie.

I've finally put up the rest of my photos from Thailand on facebook.

So, Thailand: We did indeed go to a ping-pong show, at this place or one like it.



On the steps, people exiting had warned us not to go in, but were not explicit as to why. We figured the entertainers were just icky (they were), but we weren't there for sexual entertainment exactly- I think for all of us novelty was the main draw. It now seemed clear that those dissatisfied customers had been bullied out of their money. We were explicitly assured it would be free to entry, free to sit, free to watch and free to leave. Most of us bought a beer to be sporting, but fisted our hands when things were shoved towards them, just in case. It may have been better if I had accepted the paddle they offered, as I got hit by a ping-pong ball or two. The girls would ask if we would buy them a Coke, and were disappointed with vigorous noes. After what seemed like just a few minutes of various vaginal prestidigitations on stage, all the while being pulled at by prostitutes, we started for the door. Then plain demands for money started coming out of all corners of the dim parlor. The madame came out and Andy took the lead, scolding her for scamming his friends and bullying us. Suddenly she was hollering broken, but no less threatening English at him. We had been encircled by little old prostitutes and only slightly larger, young bouncers. The door was well blocked. Andy's index finger came up and at her face, he held it as though it weighed ten pounds, his hips offset to support it and he yelled right back in her face. I was drunk and had had enough, I turned and marched through Thais to the door. I turned to look back and my friends followed in my wake. They opened the door and, still yelling, we went back down the stairs and into the street. Later Michelle told me she had given them 400 baht and that's why they opened the door. In fact, she was really pissed that people kept talking about it we faced them down and that she lost out on a ton of money. But it was like $10US and I didn't feel like we were really in danger. And it was way fun so we wanted to talk about it.


Later I learned also that, as we were leaving, Jeff spit back at them. Fucking right on, Jeff. He may have been doing so as I took this picture (which I did both to remember the night by, and to proove how nonchalant I am).

Our last night we went to a "gay burlesque show". Pat loathed the whole thing in a square, straight guy kind of way, Jeff thought it was amusing, Andy and Michelle thought it was amazing, and I thought it was boring. It was almost exactly like a dozen other drag shows I'd been to in Iowa. This is Bangkok, I'd prepared myself to see shocking things, I saw karaoke plus choreography.



During the days we saw the palace and a wat or two, some temples and parks.


"City in Progress"


Monsters in the park!

To visit the palace, you have to be properly attired. No legs showing, no tank-tops, no tummy showing. The guide guy looked at me and said "perfect". As always. But if you didn't meet the requirements, you could get loaner clothes. We bumped into our friends Liz and Darren again.


Color coordination was not part of the dress-code. Michelle totally kept those clothes, too. Badass. (Of course, they kept her deposit. Still probably the cheapest clothes purchased on the trip.)


That's His house.





I also bought a very awesome messenger bag at an army surplus store there. It has been my constant companion since and is very awesome. Pat had a mission to pick up some shirts from a tailor in Bangkok for a friend and while we were waiting, Andy and I were browsing through catalogs. We bought suits. We both got three piece suits, three shirts, and two ties. We arranged to pick the suites up on our way back through Bangkok at the end of the trip when they were finished. Three-button jacket, slate grey with slate grey herring bone. Two-button jacket, cream with brown pinstripe. Guess whose is whose. It feels really good to be so comfortable and classy at the same time. < $200US.

The bus to Koh Chang took about five hours, then an hour ferry ride. Once there, the better part of an hour on a truck took us around the western edge of the island down to Lonely Beach, so called.





As was foretold, we found cheap marijuana abundantly available. Other drugs were around too, but, aside from alcohol and nicotine, we didn't pursue them (at least not successfully). Our first full day there, all of us but Pat ordered ourselves a "happy shake" from a nearby restaurant for 80 baht or less than $3US. That night was spent mostly horizontal being fascinated by the Christmas lights on the wood planked deck that balanced over the rocky shore. Next time we split the shakes.

We met up with Matt and Xenia on the island. They'd already been in Thailand for two weeks and had been island hopping farther south and came up into Cambodia for a while before joining us. We all (aside from Pat) took a boat tour around some of the small surrounding islands. It included meals and all the beer we could drink. Andy hadn't slept and looked it. He and I both passed out on the way south to our first stop. We both awoke and I leapt off the boat, masked and snorkeled. As I drifted around the coral islet, it occurred to me that I'd spent two years looking at corals under a microscope, but hadn't ever seen a living one. I took a deep breath and dove down until my ears felt funny and took a close look at the sea cucumber and urchin covered colonies. They were purple, orange, red, brown or yellow of many different species and habits. I came back up and swam over an enormous, dense cloud of fish. I removed the snorkel from my mouth, spit in my mask and as I wiped it I said to Michelle "This is spectacular."

We went on to another island and cracked open the drinks. And the green curry. The food the entire trip was wonderful. We all kept commenting about how it was nice to visit a country that knew what the fuck they were doing with their food. No fish balls or stinky tofu. As we loosened up, everyone got very chatty and were very impressed when Andy not only woke up, but was as chipper and outgoing as anyone on the boat. Nicklas was Scandinavian of some sort and he loves Slipknot (the only association with Iowa he had, I was surprised he had the one). I managed to talk to him for like twenty minutes about Slipknot without mentioning I don't care for them. Nice guy, though! It was a real pleasure to talk to Matt and Xenia because I didn't know them that well, but it wasn't really small talk because they are my friends whom I knew I'd see again. Plus they're very genuine, nice, interesting people.

We made a little stop by a fellow tour boat to do some fishing for our dinner.



The second cay had a little white coral beach and bright turquoise water.



I collected many shells and took a nap under a palm tree. I saw a kid from the crew smoking a joint behind a rock. ...While everyone else was smoking a bong in plain sight. The kid looked like he couldn't be more than 12, but supposedly he was 16.

On yet another little isle we saw some monkeys to whom we threw watermelon rinds.



Most of my time was spent sleeping or reading on the beach; drinking on a deck of a restaurant overlooking the water, eating shark, barracuda, banana-sized shrimp, curries, and so on; dipping into the ocean or checking out shells.

We also went on a supposedly humane elephant ride. It was ethically dubious, but we got to go into a bulge in a stream and got to swim with them. Those pachyderms were having an unambiguously fun time in the water. They reared up and dumped us off their backs, sprayed water out of their trunks at us, rolled around and generally had a fun time. It was nice to be able to see their faces and look into their cantaloup-sized eyes. Michelle and I rode on one that was 45 years old. Jeff got a ton of pictures of this, but hasn't posted them yet, so I don't have a lot to show.


On of the guides dropped his hat- the elephant picked it up and handed it to Pat, who passed it back to the trainer.

At the end of the ride they tried to sell us little elephant figurines carved from the ivory of "naturally deceased elephants". In light of that fact about Thailand, I'd been looking for a white elephant to give to Jordan, so I bought one. To my surprise and pleasure, she put it on a chain and actually wears it.

By the end of our stay I'd managed to have two pairs of flip-flops stolen and had left one on the boat. It was worse than umbrellas in Taipei. That was incredibly irritating, but no matter how drunk I got I didn't steal anyone else's. Once I went out alone to one of the all-night parties (it would go from one venue to another each night because there weren't enough people to fill more than one at a time) and found my third pair of flip-flops had disappeared, stole someone else's, wore them back to the bungalow, put on Andy's slippers (which had been stolen, then rediscovered and reclaimed by me) and walked back to the party and returned the others.

I nearly finished "Never Let Me Go" with many days on the beach or in a hammock, but I saved some for the flight home. It was wonderful, but a bit depressing for vacational reading. Jeff spent most of the flight on the way back in the lavatory after being afflicted with what must have been food poisoning our last night. Poor guy got taken off the plane in a wheel chair. He survived the bus ride home and pat got him to his door. I found Jordan as soon as I could, abandoning Michelle (but, to my credit, only temporarily). Sunday night was her last in Taipei and we three roommates and she went up to Beitou and had an evening picnic beside the same steaming stream and smoked our Djarum blacks (made in Thailand). We got back and Michelle and I had a long talk by ourselves in Shi Da park that capped her visit very nicely, making it feel well-rounded and left me happy and comfortable with it as a whole.

~

And now I'm stuck on permanent vacation. I'm listing between quiet discontent and bliss. If I can channel my discontent into getting back into learning Chinese or anything productive I could see myself staying here for another year. I haven't saved any money yet and I haven't learned enough Mandarin to do much more than get around in a cab and buy things. But I think I have enough of a foundation to really learn on my own. Bevis is supposedly going to become my language exchange partner, but he's less motivated than me as his English is good and he isn't gonna take the GRE anymore, and I don't think he really cares about learning French (not that I could teach him a whole lot). There aren't many visible prospects for me back home as far as employment. I'd like to go to grad school at some point, but not yet. Many other countries have more allure for me, but I think there is a lot more for me to get out of Taiwan. And I've been outlandishly lucky in just about everything that matters since I got here. I work 22 hours a week, enjoy my co-workers/boss pretty well, make enough to never have to think about money, have healthcare, friends, hangouts, routines, and ample free time.

Of course there is a lot weighing on the other hand. In addition to the obvious reasons to leave, two years seems like a huge chunk of one's life to spend in a country chosen more-or-less at random. I want to travel and enrich and experience, and hanging out on a weird, isolated little island whose culture doesn't much appeal to me isn't quite it for me.

Speaking of the obvious reasons, my family is going to be here in less than two weeks and I'm fucking out-of-my-mind psyched about it. I've been having dreams about them being here or me being there almost every night for weeks. I booked a room for my parents at the hostel that Bevis works at now and my sister is going to stay at my place. It's funny how infrequently I talk to them but how constantly I talk about them.

To give you an idea of the scope of my inactivity: I think Monday was the first day in more than two weeks I hadn't smoked pot. At least I went all that time with relatively little drinking, I got drunk on Wednesday for the first time in almost two weeks. Teaching hungover is actually really fun and feels very natural. I've gotten my rogue to level 80 which sounds (and is) very nerdy, but I spent almost all that time playing with my dearest friends in the world so I don't feel too guilty about it. I've forgotten quite a few Chinese words (though I'm getting better about putting the ones I do know together). There are some friends I haven't seen in a while around here, but I've been getting closer to one's like Kiah and Xenia. In fact, last night Andy, Adam and I went to this Japanese food café in the next alley over and discovered Jordan and Xenia already there. We joined them and afterwards Jordan and I went to Kiah's for a bit.

It's been pouring the last couple of days, just as Taipei was about to start limiting water consumption as it's been beautiful and clear for most of the rainy season so far. It put a damper on our camping plans for this weekend. It'll likely be miserable weather-wise when my family is here. In April I think a slew of us are going on a road trip south for Spring Scream in Ken Ting, maybe it will be lovely by then.

I was just reading my old diaryland journal. It was like watching a show you loved when you were a kid and haven't seen in years. All the episodes and plots were faintly familiar and the characters beloved. I identified with the main character more than I expected to, and while a lot of the writing was lame, at least I was aware of the fact at the time. I was clumsy with it, but I really tried to wield the language. It made me feel like this blog is a little lacking in heart. Maybe too much a chronicle and not enough a journal.

My life here has really settled into ease and comfort- it feels like there are fewer events. No shortage of experiences, though. I'll try and wrap up Thailand next time.

Thailand Fact: One Baht is worth something like 1/40 of a dollar. All denominations have pictures of the King on them. The best conversion rate I found for New Taiwanese Dollars also happened to be the easiest, one to one. Also, they have 50¢ pieces. I didn't see any smaller than that, but NT are worth more and yet they don't bother with cents.

Aight, here goes: Michelle and I went to the National Palace Museum and thankfully the tour guide showed us quite a few pieces that the one who guided Laura and I hadn't shown. We went to the zoo and waited to see the pandas. After something like 40 minutes, we got to see their sleeping posteriors for about 30 seconds. The rest of the zoo was fun, though it was overcast and drizzling as it had been since the day she arrived. In light of this, we forwent visiting 101.

A lot of our time was spent lounging, which was nice as it was my vacation as well as Michelle's. Really, that's an equivocation- she had vacated her hemisphere and I was merely not at work, but I was happy to have the down time.



We went to Longshan Temple to see some of the New Year's celebrating. We carefully walked through the smell of incense, warm lights and throngs to see the intricate shrines and offerings. Then we went down snake alley, rushing Michelle past the actual snakes, and stopped at a few porn, gaming and knickknack shops. Michelle ate
stinky tofu and we bought some betel nut.

We did go to the Xin Beitou hotsprings, but we showed up near the time the public baths were being cleaned and wandered up the slope towards the source of the water, Hell Valley. Before we'd walked long, we found some steps leading down to the steaming stream beside us. Some people were wading on the shallow rocks in the warm water and decided it to follow suit.



Our flight was to leave in the late afternoon, and when we woke up the sun scattered brightly in through my textured window pane. We scrambled the remainder of our essentials into our packs and went to 101 for the first clear day. It was the first time I'd been and I could see the whole city. It was very satisfying to see all the places all of my experiences over the eight months have taken place. It seemed an appropriate thing to do on the day I would leave for the first time.

Michelle and I met up with Andy, Jeff and Pat at Main Station, had a bite and went to catch the hour bus to the airport. We wandered around the terminal and found Darren and Liz who we'd discovered were not only going to Thailand at the same time, but on the same flight. This coincided with our discovery of a shop that served Taiwan Beer on tap, an appropriate last drink before the vacation really began. The flight was short and I started reading "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro.

The airport was a ways out from Bangkok and by the time we got to our hostel it was a bit late to really get going on the nightlife. Thankfully, that city is nearly as awash with 7-elevens as this one is, so we grabbed a few Singhas or Beer Changs and sat on the picnic table outside the hostel where we made our first Thai friend.




With whom I shared some beer.

We ran around the town and looked at a Hindu temple adjacent to a Mosque, ate at a food stall for 25 Baht which was the cheapest and at least one of the best meals we had. I asked for very spicy. It was pretty spicy, not enough that I needed a break before finishing it. We found the hostel where Liz and Darren were staying and left them a message and had a beer. It was interesting navigating social arrangements without cellphones, instant messaging, or facebook. Telegrams, morse code, carrier pigeons.

The well-known famous Koh San Road was a knot of tourists and backpackers (as if one isn't a subset of the other), hockers, vendors, barkers, shirts, hats, shoes, knockoffs, ripoffs, light, color, fried food, and booze. We bought outrageous shirts and shit, and drank pails of booze. There were small dirty carts piled with pad thai, fresh fruit, fried insects and all kinds of foreign foods whose odors were constantly mixed by those milling by, producing a sweet, dank, oily scent that went well with cheap beer. Anyone who wasn't Thai was constantly assailed with "Hey man, where you go?", "You want tuk tuk?", or, of course, "Ping-pong show!"

~(I think I'm gonna start using tildes in this way.)

That's all I can muster at the moment. I've posted a few photos on Facebook so far- Jeff and Michelle have posted more. Conveniently (as far as blogging goes), almost nothing has happened since I got back so I can probably wrap that up right now:

Jordan bought a few grams of pot soon after I returned and we have been total pot heads for a few weeks.

There was a sentence in one of our books at school that began "Sam is a dog" and so Joey laughed and said to Sam, "Sam is a dog!" Sam shot back with the speed and sting of a bullet, "Joey is a little kangaroo." This would be a charming comeback except for the fact that a joey is as little kangaroo, which makes it fucking comedic genius. He knew it too and said it as though he'd been sitting on that one for weeks, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Sharp five-year-old!

Been to Roxy 99 a few times but it isn't quite the same scene. The music has been getting to be alright again, but it is packed. Last week they pushed the opening time to 9pm so people were showing up an hour too early and at 8:30 when Adam and I got there, there was such a line ahead of us. The group of two glommed to about a dozen by the time we reached the door, an hour later. I believe there were something like 250 people ahead of us. It was Rina's birthday and we got a cake and had a pretty darn good time. Kurt's older sister was the DJ, but we didn't take advantage as far as making requests. Then a really hot Taiwanese girl was hitting on me and I felt pretty cool being the disinterested party. Well, I wasn't exactly disinterested, but uninvested.

St. Valentine's Day was spent in bed until early evening. I got all snazzy- button up shirt, slacks, waistcoat, shiny shoes. Jordan wore a cute dress and got all dolled up. We went to Vibe where they were having a party with indie music that was pretty fun. Two drinks with the cover plus another if you kiss someone at the door. As Jordan wasn't drinking, this added up to six free drinks for me. I gave one away to Xenia, but the five wound up being plenty. Especially because Kiah and a group of her and Jordan's friends arrived and included me in a tequila shot.

My mom's birthday was on the 17th and I didn't do more than email her which was not a great display, but I'll get to see her next month anyway. My dad recently sent me their flight confirmation and it wasn't until I saw that there were three tickets on the receipt that my sister is also visiting! Holy balls, how did no one tell me! I was excited about my parents coming and got to get excited all over again when I learned she was coming too.

Yesterday Xenia and Matt had a party at their place that was a lot of fun. Andy and I met Jordan on the corner and he and I grabbed a handle of whiskey and a bottle of green tea to mix. Apparently it's thee drink in Hong Kong. We finished that and shared a spliff while chatting with all those people we know. Jordan felt sick after taking medicine and smoking on an empty tummy and laid down in Xenia's room for a bit. She texted me, apologizing for being a party pooper- aw. I bought her a sammich on a beer run. Sarah and Sebastian showed up around 1:30am after snubbing Lillian's (tagged below if you don't recall this mess) house warming party which they had invited me to. We wound up staying past 4am. Andy stayed even after we left.

This week promises to be as lazy as the last. Next month my family will come to Taiwan and I'll have a week off for that. Beyond that, I've decided I want to be in America in July because Joel and Andri want us to go on a road trip to a brew fest in Oregon.

Thailand Fact: They drive on the left side of the road. This fact threw me off every day we were there and now that I'm back in Taiwan, I'm still second guessing which way to look when crossing the road.

I'm still processing what happened in Thailand and it seems really daunting to write about it all at the moment. It's crossed my mind to just skip it all because nothing mind-blowing happened, but then, in a journal about my day-to-day life, not much would clear that bar. I saw a "ping-pong show", the grand palace, a wat or two, the sea, and an ocean of sex-tourists and lady-boys. I rode planes, trains, automobiles, tuk-tuks, boats, and an elephant. I ate tons of pad thai, shark, red snapper, barracuda, banana-sized prawns, and red, yellow, green, pineapple and coconut curries. I drank Beer Chang; Leo; Singha; buckets (literally drinks served in plastic pails) of mojito, rum and coke, redbull vodka, etc.; rum from a coconut; mango, banana, coconut, passion fruit and "happy" shakes; and a fair bit of salt water (unintentionally). Once I sort the photos and get some more time I imagine I'll go into more detail. It seems only fair for Michelle's blog to bear part of the burden, but I imagine she's sleeping right now after just finishing a solid day of travel.

Time should be one thing I have no shortage of nowadays because I cancelled my Chinese lessons. I'm looking for someone to practice with now that I have a (small and shaky) foundation. I'll also be saving much more money now. As my ninth month here ticks by, I'm thinking more and more about what I want to do next. It's not yet solidified in my mind, but the idea of spending the summer in Iowa is becoming firmer and firmer. My plans after that could hardly be more fluid.

My work routine has wrapped me back up like an old sweater. An easy fit, a little itchy, but needed to keep off the cold.

That might be an even better simile for my routine with Jordan. Not how I feel about her, mind you. But the nonchalance with which we picked back up was unexpected and a little alarming. I'd imagined Lunar New Year being the natural ending for our relationship as she was going to France to visit the man she loves (I'm not sure she's ever described him as such). As it drew closer I realized it wouldn't be. But I expected something to change, something fundamental. I've really only just come back, but I'm already finding myself unsatisfied with this enforced precariousness. And it's premature to put it out here, because it'll all be discussed I'm sure, but forcing myself to articulate all this helps me sort it out in my head.

The end of the last night Michelle was her (yesterday morning, really) we spent drinking and talking in the park. It was really the only time we got into some intimate communicating and it was more than welcome. She said something that made me wonder if I've even experienced being treated well by a woman. I've been steeling myself to deal with a broken heart, when it finally comes, for months. Even assuming it's doomed, isn't it better to enjoy what I have? I'm a pragmatic guy, despite being pretty attached, I'm not blind to other women. Here's a crass and worn metaphor: Why jump ship because I'm headed for an iceberg? It's not even sinking yet. The water's going to be just as cold either way. After all this time, and all my charm, Jordan's affections for this other person seem pretty unshakeable (which, as a fair-weather polyamorist, I can accept) and she diligently keeps me only so close to her. There are further complications, too. But I have this dull vacillating desire to rock the boat to try and change its course. I have before to no ill effect, but I really enjoy what we have. I've only seen her twice since I got back, but both times I still had this faint longing- I missed her as she was laying beside me. Maybe I'm picking up on something that has changed that she isn't ready to show yet. Relatively, I'm the extrovert in this whatever-it-is.

I understood that he had vague plans to return to Taiwan if things didn't work out in Europe and she vaguely planned to join him there if they did. It seems this is no longer the case. And yet things are languorous, taciturn. There is a piece of drama (not directly involving me) that needs to be played out this evening that may be leaking anxiousness into the rest of my psyche. Despite my apparent ability to go on ad infinitum on the subject, I'm really not freaking out. After a day of work, we all enjoy a little languor.

What the fuck was that, eh? I bet y'all wanted to hear about me fending off hookers, feeding monkeys watermelon and shit like that.

Taiwan Fact: The Lunar New Year is the most-celebrated holiday in Taiwan. It is the event that causes the greatest amount of worldwide travel every year. But you may not realize that Taipei becomes a ghost town. Everyone either stays at home or leaves the country. Everything closes.

On Tuesday night I fell asleep early after helplessly watching Jordan pack for a while. She still had evaluations to write, with which I was also unable to help. At about 1:30am she woke me and we watched Obama's inauguration together, it struck me as the sort of moment I would revisit many times.

The morning was damp and warm. We walked the familiar streets to the MRT and gave ourselves a little more time to say goodbye before I continued to the bus-stop.

I spent the afternoon with last-minute prepares for Michelle's arrive. The most notable of which was my attempt at showering: I went into the bathroom (a good first step), and as I peed I heard Andy and Bevis come home. It turned out to be quite fortunate that Andy needed to use the bathroom, because when I turned to exit I found the doorknob no longer performed it's intended function. I was fucking trapped in the bathroom. Anyway, Andy peed in a bottle, the landlady got a locksmith, and I took a shower while I waited. I was promptly freed and, in my boxers, thanked the landlady and got the hobittess of a locksmith 300NT (which I expected the landlady to pay).

Despite the fact that I'd never actually gotten the flight information from Michelle (I realized too late), I got to the airport with ample time to retrieve her thanks to a little deduction, but more significantly to Taoyuan Airport's petite size. We chatted the hour back and it made me miss friends and home.

We got some Taiwan beers and snacks a the Family Mart and met the roommates before heading to bed at about 3am.

Adam got her some keys made to the apartment while I was working on Thursday so she could wander while I was unable to entertain. Thankfully, when I got home she was as ready for a nap as I was. We didn't wake up until past that hour where all the restaurants close so we and Andy scavenged the night market and scored a fried bounty. Tentacles, tofu, a chicken's neck and the hearts of half a dozen more filled our bag which we toted, with our tea, to Underworld where happy hour was just beginning. We joined Aaron and eventually his friend there. After the 120 minutes of happy hour, we retreated to the park with 7-eleven-bought beers and some Pringles. Fortified with a four-hour nap, we were up to 3am again.

Today Michelle came with me to school and we had fun. The schedule is relatively loose as it is and this was a review week. In the afternoon I made the students draw Michelle pictures of themselves with her, then we played a particularly dangerous version of dodgeball and wrapped up with watching a DVD. It was an easy day.


Now, bizarrely, I can get back to the day after Christmas on which Laura came to visit my students. That day happened to have an outing in the morning where we went to a nearby library and then a park. All I had to do was say "shh" and then make sure the kids didn't kill themselves. In the afternoon I had the kids make Laura drawings of themselves playing with her and played dodgeball.

For supper we had some traditional fair down the street and one of the few Taiwanese restaurants that bothers with decor.


We spent that evening at Underworld where we saw a local band playing a mix of reggae and Japanese pop rock which, thanks to the latter of those aspects, was pretty enjoyable. Laura drank lychee beer I recommended to her. We went to the 7-eleven to reinforce our nice beers with something cheap and discovered Andy, Bevis and Rina in the park. We sat and joined the conversation, or rather stole Andy from theirs, allowing them to switch to Chinese. My eyes had discovered an interesting bag on the stone table and as my awareness slowly shifted to it I realized it was interesting because it contained four unchewed betel nuts. After a very brief discussion, we knew what to do.


On the way to buy groceries the next day, we paused by the rust-colored reminders of the previous night's indulgences.

Eventually, she and I went to Roxy 99 and, though it wasn't Wednesday, I still felt it a pretty necessary experience. We found Alyson and Joyce there and hung out with them a bit. Laura spotted a little cadre of Taiwanese lesbians across the dance floor from our seats. We circled the floor and positioned ourselves next to them. Eventually she caught one's eye, Jasmine, and was enveloped. I watched from afar and after a long while, she came to me and said she got her email address. I pointed out that she had been talking to her for more than an hour and was a huge pussy. I told her to go ask to take her home/go home with her. This fool-proof plan was, of course, a success. I grabbed her once more to give her the card to the bar closest to our apartment (to show a cabby in the morning) with my number written on it. It seems Jordan had taken a too-late nap that evening and, miraculously, when I got home at 4am she was online and happy for some company.

The following afternoon, after recovering Laura, buying all kinds of nosh for my looming birthday party, and photographing our spit puddles, we went to Ximen Ding to eat at Modern Toilet Restaurant and load up on hookah supplies. We met Alyson and Joyce. Alyson was very proud of her leadership skills for dragging us around, and being impatient and demanding. When there was a long wait and the restaurant we wound up eating at a Korean place and returning to the toilet place for dessert. We sat on the colorful toilets at the bathtub dinner-table and found little that was appealing enough to fill out the required 180NT-per-person tab. I had thought Laura would have been excited about a potty-themed eatery, but she seemed as reluctant as anyone so we left and hit up the nearby smokeables shop.

By the time we got back, Jasmine was waiting outside of our building holding birthday pizzas. Adam the Worrier was just sure that a party with an official start time at 10pm was doomed to failure, and by 10:30 he had not been proven wrong. By 11 the place was healthily populated and quickly filling with empty beer cans. The room murmured with chatter, the bubbling hookah and Jordan had taken it upon herself to dj. Laura snuck away to nap. Jenny and Kelly bought me a lovely cake and made me a very sweet card. They brought a choice of candles in the shapes of a 2 and a 5, or a ?. There were peanuts.




At midnight we popped four champagne bottles and then cut the cake, which was topped by "25?"

After I finished the majority of one of the bottles myself, on top of several beers, I was fairly drunk. Then we passed around the whiskey. Then the cops came.


Teacher Sarah wanted me to take a picture of her with them.

We regrouped in the park outside. I talked to Bryn on the phone from cold, distant Michigan. By fours and fives, we made our way to Roxy Vibe, as was always the plan, for an '80s dance party. Alyson left long before to host it, followed later by Jordan and her friends. I found them, my two free beers, and, probably the final straw, the cigar that Alyson had bought me. I finally introduced Laura and Jordan to each other formally- they did little more than say 'hello'. I don't know what I expected, but it was sort of anticlimactic.

I'm not the most humble of people, but I feel like a drank a truly heroic amount of alcohol that night. It didn't seem like it was terribly long before I found myself in the bathroom, performing a delicate balancing act over a squatter toilet trying (successfully) to keep vomit from contacting anything but the bowl. Then I leaned against the stall for long enough that I can't guess the number of minutes. By the time I got out I was feeling a bit better and went to the bar. I focused on staying on my barstool and finishing my water.

A guy who seemed faintly familiar to me came up and said something like "Hey, you're Alex, right? I heard it's your birthday!" I think I said something like "Mmhmm" and took another gulp of water. As I did, I saw Jordan coming from the other direction and I, rather boorishly, turned away from him and started kissing her. She must have been pretty drunk too because she seemed surprised when I sheepishly asked for help getting home. Kiah lives right by me, so we three, and Liz, her roommate, shared a cab. We all wound up going to Kiah's and (minus her roommate) slept in her bed.

All-in-all I think I have been more drunk before, but I will tell you I never imagined it possible to be as hung-over as I was the next morning. It was apocalyptic. Luckily, because of some really freaky shit that went down the night before, no one really missed me. After about four hours of infinitesimal steps between waking and walking, I made it the single block home by 3pm.

Oh yes, the really freaky shit: My gay ex-girlfriend and my gay roommate were dancin' all nasty on each other went home together. The speculation and rumors were rampant. I'll try not to add to them any more except by saying: they're all true! I think the rest of that day was spent recovering? Ah yes, late in the day we went up to Xin Beitou and soaked in the same hotsprings I'd experienced my first Sunday in the country. With almost the same company, just replace Jeff with Aaron (whom we met there) and Laura (as if, even together, they could replace him). The sun was well down and I was starting to feel in less pain when we arrived and I was feeling pretty alright when we left. We, stretching the synthetic déjà vu, then had hot pot for supper, though not in the same restaurant as seven months ago.

The following two days were a bit of a comedown. We hit a night market and ate chicken assholes, we went to the National Palace Museum and saw the cabbage. Laura was only here for a week, but there was a significant part of me that was relieved when she ran off with Andy again and I had yet another opportunity to run off with Jordan. It occurred to me that it boded badly for me- unable to comfortably stay away from her for more than two or three days.

The night before Laura was to leave, we went out to Roxy Rocker with a few friends. We spent some time downstairs and some in the record room. We left at near closing time, 3:30am or so. The rest of the night was spent back at the place with Laura doing some last minute packing and talking with Andy. I was not as drunk as they were and was feeling left out in more than that capacity. I laid down on my bed but didn't really sleep. Feeling absolutely drained, I tried to convince myself to suggest Andy and Laura go to the airport themselves, but was afraid to incur unwanted scrutiny about my feelings. So we three got a cab and sped off on the elevated highway through the dark morning. The goodbyes felt very awkward to me, but the long bus ride home with Andy under searing fluorescent lights wasn't uncomfortable for long.

I slept well into the afternoon and then went over to Jordan's. She had invited me out to a party for New Year's Eve with some of her friends. It was relieving to merely wait- nothing was expected of me and I had nothing to do as Jordon got ready. We joined her friends and headed to the hotel at which it was held. She'd bought the $800 tickets for us beforehand, but I knew the girl at the door and she didn't actually take it from me. We took a gaudy staircase up to a large suite with a big balcony and a clear view of 101. Once we got past the door, I didn't recognize anyone there except one of the DJs, Tom (Thom?). As the zero-hour approached, the place filled up and familiar faces began to pop up all over. As Ben, Jordan and I struggled for footing on a planted terrace on the balcony, someone tugged on my pant-cuff. As I helped her up I realized it was Tanya, the outstandingly attractive Mexican girl I'd met at Vibe, and Ilse, the Mexican girl I'd met at Alyson's Christmas party. Ben and Jordan were already moving through the decorative brush towards a better view and I quickly followed. The fireworks were disappointing and left unclear the actual moment. Therefore, the obligatory kiss was brief and perfunctory.

After a few drinks we decided drinking was lame and located some pills. Jordan and I split one of what was sold to us as ecstasy and sat in a nook at the top of the stairs, gaining and losing friends to talk to as they walked by. Thom (Tom?) sat down with us and told us he heard the E was laced with ketamine, which was sort of expected because K is so common here. I'd never heard of it before coming to Taiwan, but apparently it's intended use is as a cat tranquilizer. It started to set in as we talked with him. I had no idea what to expect, but as I realized how deep and soothing his voice was, I began to get an idea. My body felt very heavy, but not tired. I remember feeling like there were magnets in my feet and, rather than feeling tipsy as in drunkenness, distinctly stable. When I started moving around the party I decided it felt more like being in water or jello- I could comfortably and indefinitely hold myself in any position, moving was no different from standing still. It made me feel powerful and removed. I felt like my teeth were sticking to each other, but not sticky. I began to move through the party as though it were populated by trees to be navigated and peered around, instead of fellow people. I've been uncomfortably high on pot several times and the rush of disconnected thoughts made me want to curl up and hide from any stimulation. Tonight the thoughts were rushing, but I let them come and wash over me and it felt comfortable. Nothing could impose itself on me: meeting eyes with Nick, perhaps the one person on earth that I personally know whom I hate, felt like meeting eyes with a box elder. The only feeling he evoked in me was recognition. Anything could be ignored or become fascinating. Sarah (not to be confused with Teacher Sarah) found me at some point and I was excited to adventure through that jungle together. Apparently I wouldn't shut up about finding Jordan, that redbud. She had planted herself near some friends on a long plush settee bent over herself. I couldn't tell if she was asleep. I sat with her and rubbed her back, she said she was ok. As Adam later pointed out, this was a pretty reasonable state for someone who had taken cat tranquilizers to be in if they are little bigger than a cat. I had never met Charity before, but apparently Jordan's other friends had vouched for me because she entrusted me with taking Jordan home after asking me if I was ready to leave. She turned her attention to Jordan who, to my surprise, sat right up and was immediately responsive and coherent(ish). We got into a cab and arrived at her place and didn't leave again for four days. Somehow I had sat in and wandered through that heavy forest for almost five hours.